4 Signs You're Not Actually Serious About Your Relationship Or Your Partner

by Alison Segel

I once dated a guy I didn't care anything about. Why I was with him, I don't know. There are always signs you're not serious about your relationship, and with time, your partner is going to pick up on them. And when my boyfriend detected the signals that I didn't like him all that much, he had the good sense to break up with me.

There were little things I did that showed I was not that into him or our relationship. For example, I constantly went to my friends for comfort and support, and never him. In fact, he didn't really know anything that was going on in my life. He was just the person I hung out with on the weekends and kissed on a regular basis. I also never introduced him to my friends, because I mainly talked shit about him to my friends, and they had no interest in meeting this guy I constantly complained about.

I always had this feeling deep in my gut that he wasn't going to stick around for long anyway, so what did I need to introduce him to my friends and family for? And then, once things started getting really bad, I stopped caring what he did on a day-to-day basis. There was no need for him to text and check in with me anymore! You're going to a movie and then hanging out with your guys tonight? OK! Have fun! Be free!

Does any of this sound familiar to you? If so, here are four signs you're not actually serious about your relationship or your partner. It's never a good feeling — for you or especially the person who's in love with you.

1. You Don't Share With Them

Joao Jovanovic/ Stocksy

If your partner isn't part of your support system, or you're constantly going to other people for advice and comfort, then most likely, you aren't too serious about your partner or your relationship.

Your partner should be the person you go to if you're having a bad day, need a pep talk, or want someone to confide in. They're your shoulder to cry on. They're a safe space for emotional vulnerability. If you don't find those qualities in your partner, then what you probably have is a sexual relationship — something that exists mostly on the surface.

Unless your partner is your emotional rock, then it's likely you may not take them or your relationship seriously.

2. You Don't Care What They're Up To

Part of a normal relationship involves check-ins with your partner. Maybe you let them know how your workday is going or if you're going to be unavailable for a few hours because you're going into a movie. You do things like give them a heads up when you're having girls nights (not to ask for permission, but so they'll be prepared when you come home and order pizza at 3 a.m.) If you have a big presentation at work, you will let your partner know — and probably receive a text saying "good luck" beforehand.

However, if you're not sharing your day-to-day with your significant other or don't care what they're up to, it's an indicator that you don't care about their personal life. Hot tip: You should care about someone's personal life if you're dating them. I remember once saying to a boyfriend of mine, "If you want to hook up with other people, that's OK!" I genuinely did not care what he did, because his actions had no emotional effect on me. That relationship didn't work out because, surprisingly, you should be in relationships you're serious about, with partners you truly care for.

3. You Don't Involve Them In Your Plans

Rob and Julia Campbell

My last boyfriend went out of town without telling me. I found out through Instagram. When I called him out on it, he said it wasn't that big a deal. What that screamed to me loud and clear was that this was not a person who was serious about me or our relationship. Not only did he not think to tell me he was going out of town, but he also didn't apologize when I called him out on it.

In an ideal world, my boyfriend would've invited me on a trip with him, but hey, I don't have to be attached to his hip. (Although, in my needy, codependent world, I'd love that.) But if your partner isn't inviting you to movies, parties, dinners, hikes, or weddings with them, it's a sign that they don't consider you an integral part of their life.

If you don't involve your significant other in your plans, it's most likely because you don't feel a responsibility to them. You're still in that stage of your life where you don't want to feel accountable to anyone or for your actions. If your partner is an afterthought, it's never a good sign for your relationship.

4. You Don't Introduce Them To Your Friends


Introducing your partner to your friends is an important part of any relationship. It not only indicates some level of seriousness and exclusivity, but shows that you want to blend your world with your significant other's and start a life together. You'd only do this with someone you see a future with and plan on keeping in your life for a while.

If you're not introducing your SO to your friends, it's probably because you don't see a future with them at all. It can be a big red flag, and no one ever wants to be someone else's secret.

If you're not serious about your partner, ask yourself, "Why am I staying with them?" One of the worst things you can do to someone is lead them on or give them hope for a future that doesn't exist.

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