Why I Don't Have Any Trust Issues, Despite My Past Failed Relationships
If any of you follow my personal blog, you'll know that I've talked about the many issues that arise when one becomes single. However, the biggest issue that comes about – at least in my experience – is the problems that come along when we have to regain trust from others.
If you've never heard a girl (or even a guy) say, "Oh, I have trust issues," then I'm not sure what generation you're living in. Trust issues are an epidemic these days. I've read countless articles, seen a multitude of cryptic Instagram photos and listened to many horror stories from friends and acquaintances about why they have trust issues.
If you've been reading my blog since the beginning, I'm sure that in your mind, I'm exactly the type of girl who should have trust issues. The only thing is, I don't.
At least, not anymore.
Many boys have broken my heart along this path I call my love life. At this point, I should be proclaiming I don't need a man to make me happy.
It took many years for me to learn that the screaming, crying, lamenting and social media stalking would never make me feel better or help me learn to be unafraid of the next person who expressed a romantic interest in me. The only thing I could do was simply give in.
The moment my feelings got hurt, my first thought was always, "How can I avoid this from happening again? How can I protect myself from the people who want to hurt me?"
Honestly, the answer was I couldn't.
Of course, in each of those moments, my solution was always the same: Become a jaded bitch. I thought my best solution was to eat men for breakfast, chew them up and spit them out.
I'll have to admit that after my last ex, this worked out for me for a while.
I felt great being the bitch. I loved being the sassy girl who no man could buckle down. I played games with them in the same way they played games with me, and it was empowering AF.
Some people might say that this type of relationship manipulation is mean, and perhaps even downright insensitive.
They're absolutely right.
It was mean, insensitive and all kinds of wrong. But I had gotten to a point where I just didn't care. I didn't care about anyone I dated because I couldn't trust these people. I couldn't let things go that far.
I was worried that if I did, I'd lose control, therefore making myself vulnerable and hurt again. This is the attitude many of my friends have adopted.
You can't get hurt if you don't let someone get close enough to hurt you.
Fortunately, after a while, I started to ask myself if I wanted to continue living that way. The truth was, I didn't.
I had grown tired of the games, the back and forth and the meaningless conversations. I was always extremely monogamous. So, although I took my time to get over my heartbreak, I knew at that point that it was time to stop.
I can't really explain what it was. It was merely the feeling that I was ready to trust someone again and give them 100 percent of myself. I had spent enough time alone to reflect on my life, my decisions and the consequences of those decisions.
I had become a whole person again. Instead of depending on someone else to fix me, I realized that I had been through hell all on my own.
So, why not let someone in?
I could handle it because I had already gone through much worse. At the end of the day, I still had me. I knew who I was.
I was strong. So, no matter who came along – no matter whether it was Prince Charming or your regular ol' fuckboy – I knew I'd be OK.
That being said, the only person you need to always trust is yourself.