Relationships. Everyone wants one, everyone wants to stay away from them. You can't win or lose. No matter how much you love someone, or how much you want to avoid arguments, they cannot be avoided.
There are some arguments, however, that can be avoided by simply not letting them trouble you. By not letting the little, idealistic happenings that aren't happening get under your skin, you safe yourself mounds of frustration and time. And avoiding them will make you and your significant other much happier in your relationship. If, months down the road, your partner still is neglecting to indulge you in some of these things, however, that may be worth the discussion.
But in the introductory months of your relationship, harping on the little things won't build up a solid foundation. It will only tear down the possibility for growth. Here are seven things you shouldn't stress about your partner doing (or not doing) in a new relationship:
1. They don't answer all of your texts.
It's the 21st century, right? Everyone is on their phones all the time, right? Wrong. People are busy, and they have other responsibilities. No one wants to have their face glued to their phone all the time. Yes, your SO probably saw your text. They just can't answer it at the moment because they're busy. They probably have some family member reprimanding them for how much time they spend on their phone.
It's OK if your SO doesn't text you back all the time. It doesn't mean you aren't important. It just means they're focusing on their own lives, and you should thank them for wanting to better themselves. Because at the end of the day, being individually strong and collectively empowered is what makes a strong relationship.
2. They don't post pictures of the two of you on Instagram.
One of the things that would most worry me was when my ex-boyfriend didn't post pictures with me on Instagram. Why? “Because everyone needs to know how happy we are together,” I would say. It's all bullsh*t. An Instagram post does not signify how much someone means to you.
On a similar note, don't be upset if they're posting pictures with someone who isn't you. It simply means they thought the picture was cool, and they want to share it. Don't overthink things on social media. If you do, you can kiss your relationship and self-esteem goodbye.
3. They don't change their Facebook relationship status.
The only reason I still use Facebook is if Instagram or Snapchat get boring. There are so many people who refuse to accept the fact that Facebook is still relevant. Some people don't even know you can change your relationship status on your profile.
I had a friend who broke up with her boyfriend because he refused to make their relationship “Facebook Official.” Your SO should not feel pressured to announce to their 1,000+ friends that they're with you. Odds are, they probably don't even know 600 of those "friends."
4. They talk to people you aren't comfortable with them talking to.
Controlling who your partner speaks to is, by far, the worst thing you can do in a partnership. It ruins your relationship, and it makes your partner hide things from you. If they know you don't want them speaking to that particular person, when they do speak to them (and they will) it's likely they will hide it from you.
No matter how long you are with someone, they will hide these things from you because it's a lose-lose for them regardless. Don't control who your SO is friends with. When the tables turn, you probably won't like it, either.
5. They aren't as chivalrous as you would like them to be.
“You went on a date? Did he wait for you to sit down first? Did he open the door for you?” Uh, no. He didn't. And I don't mind that. We are each capable of doing our own things. It's nice if we don't have to hold our own doors, but it shouldn't define your satisfaction in a relationship.
If your date doesn't hold a door for you, give them a second date. It doesn't say anything less about their character. Chivalry is outdated, and it should never be a deal breaker in a relationship.
6. They don't take the initiative to see you all the time.
As I mentioned before, people are busy. This same issue happens with my friends all the time. People have their own life and their own worries. If you really think about it, married people only see each other all the time because they live in the same house.
If someone isn't taking the initiative to see you all the time, take the initiative yourself. If they don't want to, it's OK. Try again another time. Obviously, there's a point when one needs to draw the line, but it's OK if they aren't constantly on top of planning dates to see you. Plus, it gives you more time to focus on things you enjoy doing, which — again — makes for a stronger relationship.
7. They want to spend time with their friends.
Whether it's partying with their friends or simply going for lunch, it shouldn't bother you. Your SO had a life before you, and believe it or not, their friends will be there after you if the relationship doesn't work out. One should never make their partner stop hanging out with their friends just because "they should be spending more time with you."
Give them the time with friends they need. It will make for a stronger relationship because it helps each of you be happier in your own lives.
Relationships can be stressful and extremely tricky to deal with, especially if you two don't see eye-to-eye on everything. After being in a five year relationship, the best advice I can give is communication is key.
Don't hide things from your SO. They will find out somehow. And don't think you can control their lives. The most important thing is to be happy with yourself before being happy with someone else. And you can't prevent someone else from going on that same journey.