Why It's So Easy To Confuse Missing The Person With Missing The Relationship
We come across many things in life that hurt and scar us. We don't know exactly when or how we're going to be left bleeding, but it will inevitably happen. That's life.
A breakup is one of these things. We can feel it upon us, and we can feel our relationship distancing, but we never actually know when it's going to happen. And no matter how prepared you are for it, it always hurts.
As girls, we have the tendency to constantly search and wait for any opportunity to get back in touch with lost loved ones. I've been there, but I don't agree with that behavior.
We always feel like there could've been more to the relationship, and that there should've been more.
But really, do you want the relationship back? Or do you want that specific person back?
This person destroyed you in every bit and form, they drained you, yet you still crave their love. Why?
It's insane, but it's also understood and no one is blaming you for it, not now and not ever.
The morning after a breakup is always the worst. You feel weak and your eyes are puffed up. You wake up and stare at yourself blankly in the mirror, not even really noticing yourself.
The truth is, you're just staring into the abyss he left. You're trying to reason with yourself why the relationship ended.
You stare at your face wondering if you were pretty enough. You slowly start to pick apart every aspect of your face and find something that could've been better with each one. Then you decide it must also be because you're not a good person. You begin to have uncontrollable, racing thoughts of self-hate.
"I wasn't enough." "I never was." "He can do better." "He deserves better."
Ladies, why? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why aren't you the one who deserves better? Why aren't you the one who's too good for him?
After a breakup, you CANNOT beat yourself up. There's no point. Making yourself feel worse about yourself just lets you wallow in self-pity longer than you need to.
What you need to do is remember you're fucking awesome. And you're fucking gorgeous. And anyone would be lucky to have you.
So get up and take a shower or a long bath, and make sure you cry everything out under flowing water. There's something so soothing about crying under flowing water. So cry and cry, and when you think you're done, cry some more.
Grab your phone and delete everything. Looking back at old pictures, messages, voice notes and videos will only further emotionally exhaust you.
Once you come to an understanding that sometimes things don't work out in your favor, you'll also understand there's always something greater waiting for you.
But the downfall of being a woman is that we're programmed to think with our hearts. So given the opportunity, we'll always end up going back.
You always hope things will be different, your SO has changed and everything will work out. But the sad truth in life is once something's broken, even if you put it back together, it'll never be whole again.
Think of your favorite glass cup. Someone you adore gifted you this glass cup and you accidentally broke it one day. You were upset, so you glued the pieces of it back together. Technically it's whole again, but you notice the cracks and they can hurt you. If you grab the the glass in a certain way it could cut you deeply, causing you pain.
The same truth lies for past relationships.
What hurts the most is remembering how great it was when it first started, so you can't help but see the good in them even though everyone around you is telling you to move on.
Ninety-nine percent of the time you should move on and you do deserve better.
I once got dumped and I didn't understand why. I constantly beat myself up about it.
I doubted my image, my body, my personality, my entire being. I felt stuck and I didn't know how to even begin to pull myself out of it.
I was attached to this guy like koala bears are attached to their mothers. But I knew there was nothing more I could do to get him back. He made the decision, and he didn't want me anymore.
I blocked him from my social media accounts, I deleted his number and our pictures -- essentially anything and everything that tied me to him. It felt great. I had no way of viewing anything he did so I began to think of him less and less.
He eventually came around and told me he regretted his decision, but by then I built myself back up didn't hold the same feelings for him I once did. That is the best feeling in the world.
The feeling of knowing you're stronger than going back to someone who once hurt you shows how much strength you have, and you how much you love yourself.
Breakups are painful processes, and nothing good can come out of them, you need to understand and accept that.
But once you acknowledge your worth, you'll find the strength to move on and put it behind you.
At the end of the day, you're a gorgeous rockstar and there's only one of you. If you weren't good enough for someone, well good riddance and goodbye to them. You deserve the stars, so never stop reaching for them.