Why Settling For 'Good Enough' Will Never Make You Happy
Have you ever met that encryption of the perfect person? The status quo embedded in our minds of with whom to fall madly in love and have as a life partner. On paper, this person is the depiction of what we want.
Yet, deep down, you know there is a missing link. It can be a confusing scenario to outsiders and, sadly enough, sometimes even ourselves.
This is a person who would be an ideal candidate to bring home to the family, but for some reason, you can’t pinpoint why you wouldn’t want to settle down with him or her.
Criticism comes from friends and family in all forms. Your family and friends tell you your standards are too high, looks aren't everything, no such thing as perfect, time is ticking... blah, blah, blah.
The twisted thing is you can't pinpoint the specifics, or maybe you can, but they sound absolutely obnoxious to outsiders, who see you as a dreamer or an idealist.
Then, you wonder for an instant if maybe your standards are too high, or maybe, you're looking for perfection that doesn't exist.
But, deep down, you know there is a missing link. You may not be able to put your finger on it because you know this person seems ideal, but he or she doesn’t grab you or touch those special little triggers we all have. Those triggers bring out the best and, possibly, the worst in us at times.
Those triggers help us figure out exactly who we are and what we are capable of; those triggers help us analyze ourselves from the inside and link us to our past moments, tucked deep down in our subconscious.
When there isn't a missing link, the person is able to move us, stimulate us and possibly, heal us, grow with us or break down barriers within us.
This person finds very unique ways to challenge us, is capable of stimulating us, both mentally and physically, and finds ways to shake us from the inside.
What looks good on paper is our perception of security and that perception encourages us to settle with this illusion of safety. Or, you know your self-worth and settling just to have somebody is not the standard you set for yourself. Relationships are more special than a list of qualifications.
It's not a job interview; it's an intimate relationship. The real necessity of an intimate relationship is to have someone who has those qualities, but can also spark you. Those sparks are your hidden triggers and only certain people are capable of doing this.
These are characteristics that fuel you, move you and draw you in. If your person looks good on paper, but you intuitively know something is missing, well, then you are simply settling.
I know I am a dreamer and a perfectionist; there is no changing that side of me. So, I know I can't settle for less than what I want. I also know there is a perfect relationship, but perfect does not mean easy.
What I mean by perfect is someone who will stimulate, challenge, love, argue, heal and help you grow.
Perfection is out there, but it is not always obvious. An ideal relationship entails someone who is capable of taking a journey with you through the good and the bad. There is no happy ending because, well, there is no ending.
Attributes that may look good on paper may not be the attributes that will expand you and grow you down the road. An ideal relationship may feel safe, and even unsafe at times, but those times when the feeling of security isn’t prominent, chances are, triggers aren’t igniting.
Growth will get you out of your comfort zone where the majority of people don’t like to go, but a relationship without stimulation will wither quickly. What once felt like security may lead to pure mediocrity.
Don’t feel ashamed if you don’t settle for someone when you know he or she can’t put a fire in you. Relationships are meant to change us, shape us and grow us, but never confine us.