My most recent relationship was with someone who had just gotten out of a five-year relationship.
I believed him when he told me he found everything he was looking for in me. I believed him when he said everything she was lacking, I had.
But two months into the relationship, he changed his mind.
He told me he needed to get the closure he never had with her, and he wanted to give their relationship another shot.
He said he believed they had both grown a lot since they ended it, and he needed to figure things out.
What bullsh*t, right?
He said I was helping him get over her, but then he realized his true feelings. So, he was basically using me.
Through this breakup, I learned to never date someone who is just coming out of a long-term relationship.
Here are the reasons why:
1. He's definitely not 100 percent over his ex.
Getting over someone takes time.
If this person just got out of a long-term relationship — and I don't care what he says — then he isn't over his ex yet.
You can't date someone for over two years and then all of a sudden just be over him or her.
Trust me, he might think he's over his ex, but chances are, down the road, his old feelings will resurface.
You might be helping him forget about his ex for the time being, but in the future, he's going to want the closure he never got.
And you will get hurt.
2. You will find compare yourself to his ex all the time.
If you're in the same circle of people, chances are, you'll bump into his ex every now and then.
Or maybe, you'll just see pictures of her on social media.
Either way, you're going to find yourself judging, comparing and probably going crazy.
Even though he picked you, you'll still get jealous because they were together for so long.
You're going to find yourself going crazy and probably starting fights with him for no reason.
And stupid fights are going to cause your significant other to realize he misses his old relationship.
3. He's also going to compare you to his ex.
He probably jumped into a new relationship with you because you do things for him that his ex didn't.
You're going to feel special because he chose you.
But trust me when I tell you, down the road, he is going to find things he misses his ex doing.
He's going to find certain things you do that he doesn't like, and he's going to compare you to her.
And whether he tells you or not, he's going to miss her.
I'm not necessarily saying he's going to break up with you, but he will make comments like, "My ex never did that."
He might be doing it to get under your skin or to try to get you to change the behavior. Either way, it's going to drive you insane.
4. He's probably not comfortable being alone.
Everyone knows in order to have a successful relationship, two people need to be comfortable and fully happy with themselves.
I guarantee you will not have a happy relationship unless you know who you are, and your partner knows himself.
However, if someone is jumping from relationship to relationship, then it's a red flag he is most likely not comfortable being alone.
These kinds of people always need someone in their life, and that's not a good thing.
Before jumping into a brand new relationship, you should always have time for yourself. You need to figure yourself out and know what you want in the future.
If you just throw yourself into something new, then you are not allowing yourself to reflect on your past relationship and figure out how to make a new one work in the future.
People say timing is everything.
And if this is the truth, then give him time after his long-term relationship before jumping to something new.
If he truly is your soulmate, then the timing won't matter.
Give it a month or two, and then go for the relationship.
I guarantee you if you take this advice, you will save yourself from some unnecessary fights, and you'll be doing each other a favor.