My old self always loved being in a committed relationship with someone.
The feeling of loving, being loved and caring for someone was something I'd always enjoyed when it came to relationships. I mean, let's be honest: Who wouldn't want to be loved?
Now, I sit here thinking to myself why I'm not currently in a relationship, especially if I truly loved being in one. Well, the thing is, after being in multiple failed relationships for the past 10 years, you come to realize you have to know and love yourself before you can be in love with someone else.
Yes. It's embarrassing. It took me a long time to realize that.
I mean, even I can't believe I didn't realize this earlier, especially with all these famous celebrities constantly singing about self-love and being confident. But I've got to admit they're damn right.
Since we live in a society in which people are constantly judging and pointing fingers at us, being – or at least trying to be –confident is definitely not at all easy. Even the famous Beyoncé has to disguise her true self by being someone else: her alter ego, Sasha Fierce.
But don't worry. It's never too late to go on a journey to find and love yourself. It's just a matter of whether you're willing to throw away your old self. Learn from your old relationships so that you can be prepared and avoid these mistakes in the future.
These are some of the mistakes I've made, and the lessons I've learned as a result of them:
1. My old self relied entirely on men to make her feel more secure.
The old me took everything to heart. I listened to everything these guys said and what they thought about me because I didn't have the confidence to believe in myself.
What am I good at? What am I passionate about? What do I like?
I needed a man to answer all these questions for me. But in reality, I could've figured out the answers on my own. The old me just didn't take the initiative to explore them.
2. My old self jumped into relationships too quickly.
If a relationship didn't work out, I wouldn't give myself the time I needed to re-gain my confidence. Instead, I immediately jumped into a new relationship with someone I barely knew.
I always told myself that a rebound wasn't the best way to get over someone. But thanks to my insecurities, I always jumped into those kinds of relationships. I just wasn't strong enough to be single and alone.
3. My old self allowed her new relationships to fail because she wasn't prepared for them.
In fact, I also think jumping into a new relationship right after a failed relationship took an even greater toll on my self-esteem because I blamed myself for the previous failed relationship. Whenever a relationship ended, I would constantly beat myself up about it.
I was under the impression there was something wrong with me. I entered into a new relationship without even properly recovering from the previous one. So, I brought my baggage full of insecurities with me to the new relationship, therefore allowing the cycle to repeat itself again and again.
This is why I've been in so failed many relationships.
The new me, however, tells me all of those failed relationships were just excuses. I had plenty of opportunities to find my true self without the help of a man. I don't need a man to tell me who I am because quite frankly, all my previous lovers were always wrong.
I've learned that the only way to truly know and love yourself is to figure it out all on your own. You don't need someone else to help you figure out who you are and what you're capable of.
This is the only way you can truly love yourself. After you figure it out, maybe you'll truly be ready to love someone else.