My Friend Thought We Were More Than 'Just Friends' And It Destroyed Us
I first met Jay in unusual circumstances. He'd once accidentally messaged me on Facebook thinking I was someone else. From there, we became quite good friends.
The first time we met, we went for coffee. It turned out we both loved coffee and I was over the moon at finding someone who was addicted as I was.
We met almost every day for a quick coffee and a gossip. We both knew the same people, it was a small town and we liked to talk about who we knew. It was almost shocking we'd actually met before.
Fast forward a few months and I considered Jay to be one of my closest friends. We talked everyday, met up for coffee, food, had drinks down at the local. He met my other friends and I met his.
Not only did he match my love of coffee, but he loved sushi too. He should have been my dream guy, except I didn't view him like that. He was strictly only a friend.
Yes, he was a good looking guy, yes I enjoyed spending time with him. But I didn't want to kiss him, I didn't want to rip his shirt off and run my fingers down his back. Sadly, the attraction just wasn't there.
And I had assumed we were both on the same page.
We found ourselves both single on Valentine's Day. With nothing to do, bored and sick of all the love statuses on Facebook, we met up and decided to have a day of loving ourselves.
For us, this meant a day of sushi and over-priced coffee. I had a great time. I was single and having a whale of a time with one of my best friends.
That was, until he tried to kiss me good bye.
I was horrified. What the hell was he thinking? He wasn't even drunk! Where had this came from?
I awkwardly ran into my house and didn't message him for the rest of the week.
The next time we met for coffee, I had full intentions of clearing up the situation. But before I had a chance to say anything, he invited me to his house for a family dinner because apparently his parents really wanted to meet the girl he'd been dating.
When he told me this, I almost spat out my coffee all over his face.
I had no idea we'd been dating and, frankly, the thought sort of terrified me. How could I possibly be dating someone without even realizing it?
Was this a thing?
I suppose we don't really ask people permission to date anymore: it's just a natural assumption. But what if that assumption is 100% wrong?
I quickly found myself replaying our friendship in my head. I asked myself what I had done to mislead him.
Where did he first start to get the wrong idea? When did I cross from being friendly to a possible love interest? It didn't make sense to me.
Is society so messed up that just because I agreed to meet up with this guy on a regular basis, talk frequently and laugh at his sorta funny jokes, this meant he assumed we were dating?
It wasn't even as if I'd been completely oblivious. I'd said a few hundred times how happy I was to be single and not dating anyone at that time. Did he think that excluded him for some reason?
It made me angry, in a way. Can men and women not hang out anymore without it automatically meaning they are dating?
I lost touch with Jay. I didn't want to be more than friends and he didn't want to just be friends. I guess we were just on the wrong page, and it's a shame, as he was a pretty decent friend.
Maybe one day men and women can agree to be just friends. Until then, I'll happily give a dating disclaimer to anyone I meet in the future.