Today’s dating culture is more complex than ever.
With the ability to meet potential partners online and in person at out-of-state colleges, our pool of friends has become bigger than that of our parents, who were mostly limited to their hometowns.
We are no longer stuck to our high school peers.
(Although sometimes, we do dip back into that dried-up pool.)
Combine the complexity of today’s dating networks with the age difference, and the result always leads to your mom just never understanding.
1. What you mean when you say “hook up.”
You use this expression all the time.
Your friends always know if you mean you only made out, went to second or third base or if you went all the way.
But, your mom will never know.
She will always make things incredibly awkward by asking if you had sex.
No, Mom, I’m not telling you about my casual sex life.
I’m talking about a kiss.
2. Why you suddenly stopped talking to that “nice boy.”
This is one drives me crazy.
You went out with a guy a couple times, and your mom became more attached to him than you did.
You didn’t like him. Isn’t that a good enough of a reason?
Or maybe, he didn’t like you, and now you have to awkwardly explain how he ghosted you.
Either way, your mom simply can’t understand why you don’t like him because, "He was so nice!"
This always seems to happen when you’ve been single for a while, and it's as if your mom is reminding you of your year-long dry spell.
3. The chase.
Your mom will never understand why you like the bad boy, or the guy who doesn’t seem that into you.
What’s interesting about this is the chase and bad-boy infatuation is not a new concept.
But combine this concept with your daughter, and it makes no sense.
Your mother will forever look at you like you’re an alien with two heads when you say, “He was too into me. There was no chase.”
She’ll ask, “But honey, don’t you want someone who likes you?”
No, Mom. If I wanted someone clingy, I’d get a dog.
Try telling your mom you’re “talking to this guy.” She won’t get it.
In today’s dating world, we work with a lot of non-labeled relationships.
We often skip the whole courtship phase, going from friends who are “talking” to full-on boyfriend and girlfriend.
Or, we have the on-again-off-again relationships in which we’re not actually together.
Your mom doesn’t get it.
5. Friends with benefits.
Of course, you’d probably never tell your mom you’re in a friends-with-benefits relationship, but she knows.
She sees that friend who is basically a pseudo-boyfriend, and she knows he sleeps over sometimes.
She wants to know why you’re not together, or alternatively, why you’re wasting your time with him.
I have needs, Mom.
6. The one who got away.
Your mom doesn’t understand why you still have a crush on that guy you never even dated in high school.
You tell your friends you love him in a kidding-not-kidding way, and they laugh and get it.
But, your mom looks at you like you’re a kindergartener who just got married at recess.
Part of her misunderstanding is her inability to comprehend your obsession with the chase.
Your mom will always be a sympathetic ear, and she always wants to understand.
But sometimes, she just can’t.
This is especially true if, like my mom, she has been married for 35 years to her high school sweetheart.
She’ll probably be able to give you killer marriage advice when you get there, though.