You Probably Don't Miss Him, You Just Miss Having Somewhere To Belong
A sense of belonging can be defined as a basic human need, just like the need for food and shelter. Feeling that you belong is a crucial part in seeing value in your life. We all have an inherent desire to belong to something more, to something greater than ourselves.
While it is great thing to belong somewhere, I can't help but wonder if there really is anything better than feeling like you belong with someone?
Having a sense of belonging when you are with someone and feeling at home while in their presence is the greatest gift any of us can experience. It is different than love; it feels one step deeper.
When you have a sense of belonging with someone, you can be anywhere in the world with them and still feel like you are exactly where you belong and exactly where you need to be.
I never realized how important this sense of belonging could be in a relationship, until one of my beautiful girlfriends was discussing a new, budding romance in her life.
She described her relationship with all the descriptions we hope and wish for our friends, and for ourselves someday. She said she has never felt like this before, and even though it was still so early on, she felt it was right, different in a good way and she knew they both felt the same way.
While she couldn't outright put her finger on exactly what it was, after hearing her go on and on about this great guy, it hit me. She felt a sense of belonging with him.
I could recognize this because I have been lucky enough to experience it once before in my life, with an ex whom I have yet to forget about.
When he and I first met, I felt just as she described her new relationship. I knew the minute I first locked eyes with my ex that something was different about him. It felt like nothing I had ever felt before.
After we started dating, that feeling never went away. It only grew stronger. I didn't need anyone or anything besides him. No matter where in the world we were, I felt like I was exactly where I needed to be, always. I felt at home.
It was in every moment that I felt this way, and especially so when he walked through the door after we would had been apart. Relief and comfort came to me immediately upon his gaze and touch. It felt like I was truly one half of a whole, in every ounce of my being, always.
To me, a relationship where you truly feel that you belong can be one of the happiest and strongest relationships. You have a true home in another person, and they in you. And that is a beautiful thing.
Although my relationship with my ex has long faded, my sense of belonging with him has not. After seeing him time and time again post-breakup, it never fails. I still recognize the place in which I used to truly feel that I belonged.
While reflecting on my sense of belonging with my long-lost love, I made myself question what it really is that makes him linger in my mind.
Do I miss him? Do I still love him? Or do I just miss where I used to belong?
While I know I will always have some feelings for my ex, I don't know for certain if I still love him or if I even miss him at all. What I do know is that I miss the sense of belonging he provided.
We have all grown up being taught to belong to something, to do something, to have a purpose to wake up in the mornings. While I have many places I “belong” to now, I still don't have a person I belong with.
That is a void I have yet to fill. And that unfilled void is keeping my lingering ex around in my head where he no longer belongs.
For me, having someone to belong with is an experience like no other. It makes you feel safe because, no matter what situation comes your way, you have a place in the heart of another person.
Belonging with someone is the best feeling in the world; it's a rare gift that anyone would be lucky to experience, even just once.