The 12 Things You Miss From Your Breakup…That Aren’t Him

by Lauren Martin

I've watched a lot of friends go through breakups over the past year (is it me or is there something in the air?), and what I can conclusively say is that no matter how sad or heartbroken they were, it was never just the man they were missing.

Of course, many of the girls who were broken up with still love the man who broke their hearts. However, what they were crying over was more than just a missing person in their life.

For the women who were broken up with and the women who did the breaking up, it wasn't the guy they loved being with, but the stability, constant texting and confirmed dates and social gatherings that they missed.

It was the cuddles, the dates and the consistent sex. They didn't miss the man. They missed what he brought with him.

Relationships aren't synonymous with men. What a woman misses in relationships isn't what she misses in the man. Relationships are a separate entity and can be their own loss, and if you've gotten used to being in a relationship, it's the idea of being alone -- not the love between the two of you -- that's making you sticking it out.

For any woman going through a tough breakup right now, take a look at what you're crying over. Because once you realize it's not him, it'll be easier to start filling the void.

1. Consistent sex

There's nothing better than knowing you don't have to go out to get it in. There's also nothing better than knowing you don't need to worry about a condom.

You'd be surprised how the absence of plastic is the root of so many present relationships.

2. Someone to text all day

If a relationship is worth anything, it's a full inbox.

Who cares about their personality when they have characters? Is there anything better than seeing that notification message light up on your phone?

3. Someone to complain to

Who better to complain to than someone who says he loves you? If your partner loves you, then he won't mind listening to your boring rants.

If anything, it's the inability to bitch that makes us miss the assh*les in our life.

4. A date on national holidays

Holidays are a time when those giant empty feelings of loneliness are forced into small spaces, and you must confront the fact that you are now the only one without a date.

The roughest part about breaking up is watching everyone else be together on Christmas.

5. Using the phrase, "My boyfriend and I"

In the beginning, it can take some getting used to, but once you're used to it, it's almost impossible to get rid of. Once you change your pronoun, going back to singular is just a blow.

On the bright side, however, now you sound like less of an assh*le to single people.

6. Approval from your mother

If she liked your boyfriend, then it's tough.

If she didn't, then it's really f*cking tough. Nothing adds salt to the wound of a breakup more than "I told you so."

Before, at least you could prove to her that you were mature enough to handle an adult relationship. Now, you're just "single daughter walking."

7. The cuddles

You'd be surprised at how fast this part goes away. You'll soon remember how you slept before him and how Netflix is just as soothing as his arms.

8. The safety net

Comfortable isn't the token word for the single life. But who wants comfortable?

Comfortable is boring and easy. This is the time to be taking risks, going on adventures and having wild, passionate, sometimes downright bad, sex.

9. Someone to be yourself around

There were no bad dates and no awkward sex. You could say and do whatever you wanted without fear of being rejected.

Don't forget, however, that's what you have friends for -- even if you haven't seen them in awhile.

10. Surprise gifts

OK, so once in awhile you got to open a present. But let's not forget, he never actually understood your taste, and you never actually liked anything he got you.

11. Someone to talk about

There's always a story when you think you're in love.

To you, it seemed like you always had something to tell your friends and family about. To everyone else, it seemed like all you could talk about was your boyfriend.

12. That sweatshirt you always wore

Men's clothes are undeniably perfect for women's bodies. There's nothing better than an over-sized sweatshirt that for some reason is always softer and more comfortable than anything you could buy for yourself.

Just remember, though: For every sweatshirt you've given back, there's another guy out there ready to give his away to you.