It’s no secret that I absolutely abhor shower sex. I’ve written about it, mentioned it in countless articles, and I talk about it in my personal life on a regular basis.
Yet bae has one of those fancy waterfall showers that is about as rare as a unicorn AND his own studio in Alphabet City, so when he wanted to get soapy and naked after the gym the other day, I actually said yes.
I’m not sure which one of us was more shocked by my agreeing to have shower sex, but I digress.
Anyway, we were doing the deed in his very sizable shower, and I noticed my reflection in the shower door. I could see my face over his shoulder, under the shower and his entire backside.
(He has a great butt. Kisses, boo, if you’re reading this. Sorry again for sharing our personal life with the general public, but not really.)
For some reason it made the whole experience astronomically hotter.
It was like watching myself in a movie. It felt like I was inside one of those hot, teenage, coming-of-age flicks from the 80s.
I was watching one of those steamy, fantasy shower sex scenes and, at the same time, I was experiencing it. It was thrilling and extremely sexy.
For once in my life, I actually enjoyed shower sex. In fact, I want to do it again -- purely because I was so into watching myself.
Now, because I am a type A whack job and a sex writer/enthusiast, this steamy endeavour got me thinking: What is it about watching ourselves f*ck and get f*cked that makes the experience so insanely hot?
Dr. Niloo Dardashti, an adult and couples therapist in New York, told Elite Daily:
Sex is an erotic act, and watching it makes it even more erotic -- like watching porn but better for the viewers because they get to see themselves as the sexual objects, which is often considered taboo.
If there is one thing I want more than to get down and dirty, hard and long, it is to WATCH it happen, too.
The fact that seeing yourself get railed is considered taboo only makes it that much more arousing.
Sex itself is often considered taboo. It’s looked down upon and seen as “filthy,” which only makes us want the forbidden fruit even more -- and to make it as FILTHY as possible.
To get the in-depth scoop on mirror sex, also known as katoptronophilia, Elite Daily enlisted the help of Lorrae Bradbury, a sexpert, speaker and the founder of the sex-positive brand, Slutty Girl Problems.
Sexuality is tied closely to the visual experience.
Sex is not only about what we’re feeling when our partners touch our erogenous zones or vice versa; it is very much about what you are experiencing visually during the act of sex.
We get turned on be seeing our partner’s faces contorted in pleasure. We are aroused by seeing the way both of our bodies look during sex.
As Bradbury told Elite Daily:
The visuals of pleasure are a powerful turn-on that awakens sensuality and heightens arousal, even when it’s our own pleasure being observed.
Watching ourselves have sex is a turn-on in itself. You get to take on two, very sexually exciting roles all at once: the voyeur watching a couple have sex in front of you and the exhibitionist having sex in a unique, unconventional manner.
It’s an arousing sexual encounter happening in real time.
When you’re f*cking in front of a mirror, you’re literally experiencing the visual manifestation of your fantasy unfold in front of your very eyes. It’s all happening in real time.
You see yourself from the same perspective your partner sees you while still physically feeling his or her touch.
As Bradbury notes:
For some people, it’s hot because it gives a feeling of watching someone else, being watched or even starring in their own porn -- all of which are also common fantasies.
You feel pleasure from receiving it from your partner, as well as by watching yourself react to that pleasure.
It’s a multifaceted sexual experience that engages nearly all of your senses.
That mirror is a metaphor for your deepest desires. Embrace it.
Mirror sex is a unique way to get closer to your partner.
When you’re able to watch you and your partner engage in sex, it isn’t just about watching yourself; it’s about watching the two of you together.
Bradbury tells us:
With a mirror, you can see each other’s faces, lock eyes and gauge each other’s pleasure in positions where you’re normally facing away from each other. You also get a new view of your partner’s entire body, including the areas that usually face away from you.
It’s a whole new experience to not only get to see yourself enjoy sex but to also see your partner enjoy the things you are doing to him or her.
“It can actually help you connect more with your partner, by reading [his or her] facial expressions and cues to bring them more pleasure,” Bradbury says.
Confidence is key.
As with all sexually satisfying encounters, the key to truly enjoying yourself and getting all you can from sex is you need to be confident in your own skin.
As Bradbury puts it:
If being in front of the mirror usually makes you cringe, seeing yourself bare it all, plus the motions of sex, might not look so appealing and flattering to you.
But don’t lose hope! If you’re not super confident in the buff, don’t fret! Mirror sex actually has the power to GIVE you confidence.
Seeing yourself experience pleasure and put on a sexy 'performance,' all while positively enforcing your appearance with the pleasure chemicals of sex, can actually help you to feel more confident about yourself!
So, if you’re looking for something to give you that extra bit of conviction between the sheets, why not try posting up in front of the bedroom mirror?
It’s a little like porn, and we LOVE porn, right?
Who doesn’t want to star in his or her own porno that definitely WON’T end up on Reddit? Yep, me too.
The voyeuristic aspects of watching yourself get it on in front of a mirror can feel an awful lot like you’re starring in your own porn film.
It’s like you’re acting for your own camera, and you’re both the cameraman, director and star.
Now, if you’re going to take the extra leap and MAKE an ACTUAL film... just be sure it’s safely put under lock and key and on YOUR personal recording device.
You know what happens during awful breakups? Naked pictures end up online. Just sayin’.
If you want to watch yourself on film, it can teach you some new moves and can help you perfect your personal technique. It’s all about trial and error and figuring out what works and what doesn’t.
According to Bradbury:
Some people also like to have a memory of the moment, go back to watch themselves have sex or even go back to perfect their technique.
It’s like watching your own audition tapes -- for porn!
While filming yourself and watching it later is hot, and a lot of couples dig it, it’s different than watching yourself in the mirror because it isn’t happening in real time.
You’re watching something happen that already took place.