Men: Stop Being Assholes
“You’re not as hot as you think you are.” “That color looks bad on you.” “You wear too much makeup.” These and statements like them should never be uttered to a woman — particularly a woman you just met — particularly when the goal is to get a phone number, or even more ambitiously, to get laid.
No. No, no, no, no, no. Boys, where the hell did you ever get the idea that women would react well to being insulted and put down? If I sound angry I apologize — I mean to sound F*CKING angry. I am utterly disgusted by the way men talk to and about women these days.
Somehow, men got it into their heads that being a dick and being interesting were the same thing. On the contrary my tact-challenged, testosterone-driven friends, being a dick is perhaps the biggest turnoff to any girl worth a damn.
The evolution of the male is something I’ve been interested in for some time now. In seemingly the last 50-60 years, men have turned from seat-relinquishing, door-opening, respectful gentlemen to resentful, disrespectful, misogynistic assholes.
As I examine the timeline, I come to the conclusion that the sexual revolution, the birth control pill and the rise in the popularity of porn probably had a hand in the way men view women. When women started to become sexually experimental, it suddenly wasn’t essential to court them anymore.
I’m not saying that these things are detrimental to the female gender (aside from porn, which absolutely is) -- on the contrary, I think before the 60s women were oppressed and now have a stronger if not equal voice. BUT as women started to become more openly sexual, men started to become less respectful and it’s been downhill from there.
I’m not trying to group all men into the category of Asshole; there are still some good guys out there (both of you know who you are). My aim is to do the rest of you a favor. If what you’re after is a cheap, easy, gutter-pig who’s name you won’t remember next week, then by all means, continue your dirtbag’n ways.
But if what you seek is quality -- some semblance of intelligence or God-forbid respectability, why don’t you try a compliment? And I’m not speaking of the back-handed variety, (“you’re pretty cute for a civilian”).
I suspect that most of these men are afraid of going out on a limb — of being shot down. So it’s easier to hide behind a wall of fake bravado. But any woman with half a brain sees right through it. When I see a man look me up and down pretending like he’s evaluating whether or not I’m good enough for him to talk to -- I feel sorry for him. That is nothing but a lack of confidence. It’s just insecurity posing as arrogance.
A few years ago, I heard about a course in Toronto that was designed for men to learn about picking up women by being assholes. The instructor apparently regales his pupils with examples of his own conquests (likely all made up or completely exaggerated), and teaches them methods of picking up women.
If I remember correctly, the goal is to make the girl feel like “a pig” so that she in turn seeks his validation and winds up sleeping with him. Bravo.
I hope you come back in your next life as a dung beetle, professor. Men, the money you’d pay on a course like this would be put to much better use if you went out and bought yourself a decent shirt or some nice cologne — hell, it would go to better use if you used it to wipe your own ass.
Now before you decide to go and blame women for being unappreciative cows and driving you to this place, let me first acknowledge the fact that this is partially true. Unfortunately many women seem to be drawn to assholes. Which begs the question — which came first, the asshole or the bitch? Perhaps we’ll never know.
Speaking for my gender, I’m truly sorry if some gold-digging, unappreciative girl left you feeling like a neutered pup… But you can’t let one, or two, or five shitty experiences put you off. If I did that, I’d be in a convent in Austria singing “The Hills are Alive.” We’ve all – both men and women — had our fair share of disappointments and traumatizing episodes. But I refuse to believe that there isn’t hope, and nor should you.
So am I saying you should be the guy that comes to the door with a button-down and flowers? No. Girls like the good boy about as much as they like the idiot that tells them they need to drop a few. I’ll tell you the trick to landing your dream girl — firstly, let’s not be under the illusion that attraction doesn’t matter, because it does.
There is very little you can do to control whether or not a woman is physically attracted to you…so if that’s not there, then sorry — keep moving. BUT if you sense any kind of chemistry between you, then the key to your success my friend is — wait for it…..CONFIDENCE. Women are helpless against it. There is nothing sexier than a man who knows who he is, what he wants and where he’s going.
Speaking from a solely superficial perspective, the perfect example of this man in my opinion is Don Draper, the lead character of "Mad Men." Adultery and shady past aside — Mr. Draper is the epitome of class, confidence and sex appeal.
He knows when to talk and when to shut up. He knows the importance of being well-mannered at all times -- except when he’s forced to defend his woman’s honor. He’s never needy or insecure and he never kisses and tells. That’s a real man (even if he is fictional).
So what’s the moral of the story? If you want a quality girl who you can have a conversation with, look up the word “gentleman” in the dictionary and then be that.
But if you want a hoe -- which many guys do, including a few that write for Elite Daily (you didn’t think I’d neglect to mention them did you?). Then by all means, continue being a douche bag. You can share stories of your conquests with the other guys at the free clinic.
Alice Panikian | Elite.
Alice Panikian is a Canadian model and former Miss Canada. She is currently working on a beauty blog and splits her time between New York City and Toronto. Follow Alice on twitter @alicepanikian