Dear Men: It's Not Me, It's You
My lady friends and I have discovered that, lately, we're frequently visiting the cross streets of “what am I doing wrong?” and “what should I change about myself?" It's a terrible place, where no woman would like to meet another woman for a happy hour or yoga class.
We arrive there by the push of men, who have oh so very much enjoyed to criticize and shame the very nature of women: our looks, our expectations and our ability to communicate. Well, I say, we need to ‘Kanye-ify’ the situation and allow ourselves to abandon some of the guilt.
Below are a few examples of what men frequently complain about when it comes to women and the guilt that follows for women. Let's have some fun!
The Complaint: Women Want Constant Communication
Ok, yes, women talk more than men. There are things on our minds that we would like to share with the world. In fact, I'm engaging in the stereotypical women-talk right now. But the primary reason we might "nag" men all the time is because two-word sentences, a grunt and a ball scratch do not qualify as a reasonable response to a woman asking, "Do you want to get dinner?" Or, "Do you want to move in together?" Or even just, "Do you like your nipples twisted?"
So no, women are not needy for wanting to initiate conversations with men. It's man that's incompetent at words and speaking. It’s your fault - not ours.
The Complaint: Women Dress Up In Public, So Why Do They Get Mad When Men Express Their Approval?
That sounds like an innocent complaint, right? Men just want to compliment women ...in the streets, at the club, in a restaurant with their parents, in the workplace, in school, in the line at the grocery store, in their rooms while sleeping ...and there is nothing wrong with that, right? So why would a woman get annoyed at such wonderful statements of encouragement, such as, "Damn girl, dat ASS" and "Baby girl, you’re sexy."
No. These are not encouraging, or flattering, statements. Simply being in public does not mean that women solicit an open call of harassment and inappropriate slew of comments.
Men have stereotypically been called the stronger sex, yet here they are, drooling and hollering over any human being that happens to have boobs. For some reason, women are to blame for inducing a high-level of insanity upon the male species because we're in public, and we look good. Like, our presence is making men sin! This slut shaming is so unbelievably ridiculous that I want to tattoo a middle finger on my face. It makes me want to arm myself with rotten fruit, so I can return the "flattery" to all the "kind" men who enjoy catcalling me.
But I know, no matter what, that sh*t is not my fault. I'm not going to tolerate slut shaming. So yes men, it's you. Control yourselves. Have you never seen a woman out in public before? Is it really that necessary to be so incredibly vocal and raunchy with your comments? It's YOU. So just back off, and go look at some porn.
The Complaint: Women Wear Too Much Makeup And Dress Too Slutty
Ugh, it's not me; it's you. The old-age idea is that women wear makeup and slutty clothes for the prize of a man's eye. It used to be that way when women went to college for the sole reason of pursuing their 'Mrs. degrees.' Now, makeup is an art, as is fashion.
When I apply red lipstick, it is a statement of my power, strength and fearlessness. However, boys can't help but comment that I "painted it on" and that I'm trying too hard to attract men (as if they have the entitled duty to judge my style). Well, surprise mother*cker, that red lipstick wasn't to impress you; it was to complete my outfit and make me feel good. The clothes I wear are an extension of my personality and all of its wild, creative and edgy characteristics, not an invitation to the division of my legs.
So, this idea that my makeup and my style are a desperate plea for a guy's attention is the man's own projection of his self-centered world (because in his world, everyone exclusively lives for him). It's you, not me with my high heels and pale purple lipstick.
The Complaint: Women’s Expectations Of Men Are Too High
We have high expectations? There's a piece called, "Why Good Girls Have Become Unicorns," on this site, which reads in logic and prose of a 14-year-old, who equates his first pubic hair with the authority to make shallow judgments over an entire gender. In that piece, Mr. Preston Waters felt helpless at the lack of women with self-respect, despite his own chauvinistic involvement in mindless sex.
He's looking for the unicorn - the good girl who's a "lady in the street, but a freak in the bed." Although the clear solution is for all women to attach dildos to their foreheads - unicorns would be everywhere - this rather odd argument demonstrates something quite clear: men have their high expectations for women, too. So it's not just women who want someone that fits a grocery-list of physical and personal attributes; it's men, too.
However, there seems to be an incredibly harsh stigma associated with women who have standards - especially high standards - when it comes to their men. It's like they're naive, overbearing, high-maintenance women, who intend to whip their men. They’re idealistic, they want too much, and they are women that you should avoid at all costs.
Not only is this idea sexist and stupid, but it's also false. Would you be happy if your good girl friend, sister, cousin, or even mother dated some sloth like Preston Waters? Absolutely not. You'd expect her to have standards and date someone who matches her level of intelligence, ambition, looks and passion. The fact that our current culture is filled with an all-time high of brotastic, douchey, and assh*le behavior only makes a woman desire stronger standards to more carefully willow through the dickheads.
Back in the day, when a new laundry detergent excited housewives more than asbestos, women's expectations for men included the base need of 1) Income and 2) Needs to be alive. Now, we're smarter and we know what we're worth. We know that we don't need a man for financial stability or social acceptance, so we expect other traits of a man to fulfill what we cannot create on our own: companionship, love, friendship, trust, and with that, open communication, respect, honesty, and non-Anthony Weiner characteristics.
So when we have these high expectations, we're only respecting our individuality and independence. A man that might meet these expectations might be rare like a unicorn, or perhaps, rare like this species called Real Guma Homo Sapiens.
However, that's not our fault; it's your fault, men. I expect the normal prescription of criticism to follow (“OMG what a man-hater she is. She's a fugly hoe that no man will ever nail. Blah, blah, blah”), but whatever!
I wrote this because I'm done with women feeling guilty about who they are because some random guy on the streets commented on their attire (positively) or some random male friend commented on their makeup (negatively).
Men and women will ultimately always have expectations for each other. It's time that women stop carrying all the guilt for theirs.