Why Being In Love Sometimes Means Sacrificing Your Needs For Your Partner's
“Money will be tighter than it's ever been,” said my fiance a few weeks ago.
That statement felt like a bullet going through my heart because I know why he said it. It's because everything has come crashing down on us faster than we could ever imagine, and we must get out of the living situation we're in.
Over the course of just one year, we moved 800+ miles away to Tennessee after he got a job. I got a job three months later; we got a dog, went on a few vacations and got engaged. The moving-to-another-state thing was probably the biggest thing that's happened in my life thus far. And while it was emotionally draining in the beginning, I got through it, and we lasted a year here.
In October, one of the worst things in his field happened, and he began working 12- to- 15-hour days. It was only him and another guy. It didn't get better and so, over the course of three months, it went from bad to worse.
One day in early January, he called me out of the blue from work.
“I almost quit today because my co-worker insulted my work ethic,” he said.
At that time, his co-worker's brother died, so he was out for three days. When he came back, he complained about how terrible of a job he had done while he was out. But, in reality, my fiance worked 12- to- 15-hour days, would come home at night exhausted, worked in 30-degree weather while he was sick, and still, it was not good enough.
I sat in my office stunned. I didn't know what to say or do. After I got my thoughts together -- after about 30 seconds -- I said, “You know I support you in whatever you do, so if you feel the need to quit this job, I'll be there for you.”
He paused. I think he was drained and put all of his energy into not flipping out. He was hurt, and that was understandable. I would have felt the same way. And, so, we were left with three options: Either he found another job here, we would look for other jobs in different states or we'd move back to PA and live with his folks.
One night, as we watched TV in the living room, I turned to him and said, “I think the most mature decision would be to move back to PA. Our wedding is in November, so that would be our best bet.”
Did I really want to do that? No, but sometimes, you have to sacrifice and put your feelings aside for the other person.
He then said to me, “I think that's a very wise decision.” And so, it was final.
Here are a few things you need to do while sacrificing for your significant other:
1. Be there for your significant other.
When your significant other is going through hell and back, you should sit by his side and cheer him on despite how you feel. You need to put your feelings aside and think about what he's going through.
2. You need to set-up a concrete plan for the two of you.
If we were moving back to PA, I needed to know what was coming next. We decided to live there through our wedding, which is is in November. Around late August, we'll start to seriously look for other jobs.
You should always be prepared and talk about the next steps.
3. Think about the positives in the decision.
Honestly, this year is full of weddings. His cousin is getting married in June; his brother in October, and ours is in November. There would have been no way we could have gotten that much time off, so that was a huge positive for me. Not to mention, since we'll be living in PA, it will make things 10 times easier to plan it there instead of 800+ miles away.
More than anything, love is about sacrifice. One of you needs to sacrifice your life to help the other person. Even though I'm not ready to leave just yet, I need to sacrifice for him like he's done for me time and time again.
Now is not the time to be selfish. Honestly, this should be the most joyous time in our lives, and it's turned out to be the most miserable. So, once we get back on track and think about our future, things will get better.