We've all seen those girls, the hopeless romantics who go to the club hoping to find prince charming completely forgetting that everybody there is mostly just looking for a one night stand.
So what happens after the magical dance on the dance floor ends and your make-out sesh is ov like hov? We try to piece the factors together that led to this let down but there are just so many categories as to which this sad, misinformed girl falls under.
For the girl that is in love with her club promoter: he is a promoter and will never marry/date you. Let's be clear of that first. Sure he may “wine and dine” you from time to time.
And what I mean by this is that he will take you to a free dinner with 8 random stranger girls who may or may not start shit and accuse your friend of doing drugs, but that's besides the point. He'll grab your hand at the club and occasionally steal a dance with you, but to be brutally honest, he doesn't give a fuck. He is only there to make sure that every girl is drunk and having a great time. Promos are no-gos.
Let's not be the girl that gets sucked into the fantasy world of “omg no this guy is different and I can change him” attitude. The faster you realize he is a dick and will only be there for you when a glass of champagne is present in your hands is the sooner you can sprint your way out of the club and into a cab.
As for the girl who hopes to find her next boyfriend at the bar because it will make a great story when you start dating…too bad being at the bar is as lame as dancing with a married man in his 50's. Okay, let him buy you shots and maybe you steal a few cherries from the bartender, but honestly, why are you at the bar?
Were you going/leaving the bathroom or actually scoping out some well to do douche who looks like he'd be happier getting it in with himself rather than the endless girls he's eye-fucking every time one comes his way? Either way, you must be drunk because nobody in their sober right mind would stoop so low as to stalk boys by the bar.
Now this isn't to be biased towards girls, but we all know that no guy ever walks into the club looking for the girl to bring home to his parents. Just saying.
Next victim? The DJ. That's right, they are not free from a white girl's wasted wrath. The girl who falls for him, though, is usually the one that freaks out when “her song” comes on and her eyes must immediately see the DJ who just happened to know that this song and only this song would in fact make her night. “Omg this DJ is amazing” will be the first words out of her mouth because he just so happened to play Lana Del Rey's new song. Yeah, he is a keeper.
The next moment of action might include some finger pointing dance moves towards the DJ booth, similar to ones used in the YMCA song, as she dances on one of the couches in hopes that her and her prince charming will lock eyes. Magical.
However, the true winner, i.e the girl who actually believes she found love, is the one that hits on the client or the main guy buying the bottles at his table. He could be in his 20's or late 50's, but this girl doesn't care because to her he has status and money.
Just by rubbing elbows with him or standing next to him makes this girl feel as if they are a dynamic power couple, owning the club. Every time he passes her a glass of champagne or cranberry vodka, she melts from the attention. Spoiler alert: just because a guy is in a suit doesn't make him elite. This girl just got played.
When the lights come on and everyone begins to exit the club, her prince charming wisks her away in a cab…to Queens? The sad part is, she wont even realize this until the next morning when she wakes up in a shitty apartment, finds out the guy she was with was merely a nobody friend of the client and then takes her walk of shame to the subway. Or a cab if this cheap skate is willing to pay for it.
The last girl standing will always be in line. This is the girl who left the club knowing she didn't find her next boyfriend but is still waiting for that dramatic movie scene when she runs into the guy of her dreams. Because by all means does this guy want to see his future wife shoving pizza down her throat at 4am.
“I don't know, he just bought me food, we talked, exchanged numbers, and then parted our way home,” will probably be the first thing this girl says to her girlfriends the next morning as she keeps telling herself what a gentleman she met who offered to pay for her $5 slice of pizza that will look great on her thighs a week later.
Let's take off those club goggles though, may we? What really happened: she was probably holding up the line as her hand set up tent in her purse and the guy decided to pay for her just to speed up the process. But she is so grateful that she feels obligated to bore him with her life story and then try to find his out too because hello, this is destiny. Meeting at thepizza place was meant to be.
So girls, the next time you go out, try to remember that the clubs are filled with frogs, but they never turn into your prince charming when you kiss them.
Evelyn Pelczar | Elite.