Alberto Bogo

What It's Like To Know You're Toxic For Each Other But Can't Let Go

Sometimes, you meet the right person at the wrong time.

It’s not something you can avoid or remedy; it’s not something you can easily let go of or forget about, either.

The real problem is you can never be entirely certain whether the two of you met at the wrong time in your lives, or you’re simply toxic for each other.

You may feel very strongly one way or the other, but you never know for sure. You can't.

When you meet the right person at the wrong time, things never end well. How could they when the reason the two of you can’t make it work is because neither of you seem to understand what you have together?

Emotions run high because, well, how could they not?

You know you’re right for each other. You feel like you've met someone you can see yourself spending forever with; yet, you aren’t able to accept what it takes to make the relationship work.

Arguments ensue.

You say and do things you can't take back or forget. The two of you are confused as to what happened to the happy ending you once promised each other. But, now... where is it? Where’s your happily-ever-after?

Where’s the ease and bliss? You know you love this person, but at the same time, you aren’t capable of loving him or her the way you know he or she deserves.

If not you, maybe it’s the other way around. These things are often more one-sided than balanced, but rarely is just one party entirely to blame.

Maybe you did meet the love of your life at the wrong time. Maybe you’re simply toxic for each other. Then, you sort of have to stop and consider the possibility there is no difference between the two.

What if meeting the ideal person and simultaneously being toxic for each other is only possible at the wrong time in your lives?

Most people cannot build a life together; they’re simply incompatible. Over the years, we learn to like and prefer certain things over others.

We develop a taste for physical appearance and personality and an aversion to certain physical and psychological attributes. Most of these are usually so deeply embedded in who we are that they aren't easily changed.

Unfortunately, the "right time” window isn't very helpful, either. When, exactly, is “the right time?”

The answer is a simple one in theory and a difficult one in practice. You have to be ready to do what it takes to not only maintain, but to breathe life into a loving relationship. And, you need to both be ready to do it for the rest of your lives.

You see, the answer is this simple because once you’ve found the right person, you’ve basically won half the battle. You love each other. You have an incredible, almost otherworldly connection -- as if your minds have synchronized wavelengths.

The answer is incredibly simple... in theory. The difficulty comes in when you realize how difficult it is to do whatever it takes to keep the love alive. People usually know what it takes, yet they have a problem finding motivation to go through with it.

When it comes to love, our greatest enemies are most often ourselves. We question whether our feelings are genuine or whether they're illusions of the mind.

We question whether we're making the right decision by being with this person, or if we're missing out on something grander, something more… perfect.

We can’t handle the urge for independence and individuality, as if someone were asking us to give up the people we've become.

We fail to distinguish the difference between romantic love and the kind of love that never fades -- the kind of love weighing on us for years after the separation.

The agony of meeting the right person at the wrong time -- of knowing how incredibly toxic the two of you have been and can be for each other -- is detrimental because we are the very reason we can’t make it work.

We are the reason we can’t appreciate the beauty and rarity of what we have -- not until we're in the right state of mind. Sadly, by then it’s often too late.

Either too much damage has been done to be forgiven or the love of your life has found his or her other true soul mate.

The agony does numb over time, yet it lingers on indefinitely. For those of us who need a loving partner in our lives, we can’t be happy alone forever. We can’t change something we've grown to need over our lifetimes.

We'll feel the lingering pain until we once again find the right person, but this time, it'll be at the right time.

Will you get another chance at true love? It’s not guaranteed, I’m afraid, but if you make the right life decisions, your chances are good.

Until then, learn to accept the pain the love of your life left you. Learn from it and understand why you’re in the position you’re in.

Hopefully, when the next Mr. or Mrs. Right comes around, you’ll be mentally in the "right time” of your life.

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