I remember the first time I fell in love. I had a difficult time understanding it. When you understand something, you have a sort of control over it.
When you know the boundaries, you know what room you have to work within, how things work and how you can act in order to manipulate the outcome.
The first time we fall in love, the experience is completely novel. We feel inside our own skin for the first time.
We feel as if we see the world for the beauty it is, for the first time. Falling in love makes everything better. Our senses become heightened and we literally experience more of the world around us.
Falling in love makes us feel more grounded. The problem arises when obsession begins to set in -- which, when it comes to romantic love, is just about always the case.
A little bit of obsession goes a long way when it comes to romantic relations. Obsession, however, is just another word for addiction. And addictions can either be very healthy or detrimental.
When you’re addicted to the woman you love, your thoughts are comprised of her.
She’s the first thought you have when you wake up and the last thought before you go to sleep. You may even dream of her. You think about her throughout the day -- some days in more regular frequency than others.
You wonder what she’s doing, how she’s doing, even though you know exactly the answer.
Every time you experience something new -- try a new dish, find a great new coffee place, participate in a fun activity -- your thoughts immediately go to the idea of the two of you sharing that experience.
Every time something makes you happy, makes you laugh, makes you smile, she immediately pops into your head -- because you can’t help but to be reminded of her every time you’re happy.
You are still your own person. You lead your own life and probably even have your own friends. Nevertheless, the two of you are connected to each other forever. If not physically, then by the way you influence each other's lives.
When you’re addicted to the woman you love, your life revolves around her.
You’re always thinking about and craving that next hit, the next time the two of you are together. You spend so much time missing her when she’s gone, it almost seems inefficient to spend time away from each other.
Some days the feeling isn’t as intense as it is others, but such an intensity cannot be maintained, thankfully. If this were a full-time gig, then you’d probably go mad.
Your schedule, your weekend plans, your holiday plans and your life plans revolve around her. Everything you wish your future to be is centered around the fact that the two of you will be spending your lives together.
When you’re addicted to the woman you love, you worry too much.
Worry, jealousy, anger, sadness, desperation… love brings with it a wonderful palette of emotions, which vary from utter bliss to complete hell. You usually have decent control of your emotions, but every once in a while... they get the better of you.
Hopefully, she’s trustworthy. If she is, then the trust the two of you have for each other ought to be enough to keep you calm.
If, on the other hand, she has a knack for getting into trouble and “making mistakes,” then your worry may drive you up the wall.
Either way, every time she’s running late or is simply unreachable, you think of the worst possible scenarios -- she’s hurt, she’s been kidnapped, she’s decided she isn’t in love with you and ran off with some guy named Fabio.
You know you’re being silly… but you never know with those Fabios.
When you’re addicted to the woman you love, you have trouble letting her go.
In the beginning of the relationship, you may experience difficulty parting ways. Knowing you won’t see her for a couple of days sort of depresses you.
Of course, you’re a man and refuse to show your emotions, but it still stings a bit.
When either of you go on a trip for days, weeks at a time, it intensifies your need for her. You Skype twice a day, but it’s not the same. It’s not even that you want to talk to her; you just want to be in her presence.
If, in the end, things don’t work out and you decide to call it quits, letting her go is just as difficult. Addictions don’t just go away when you decide to go cold turkey.
Depending on the drug, the craving you feel may never entirely leave you. You’ll always reminisce about that incredible high you once felt. Unless, of course, you found yourself another poison.
When you’re addicted to the woman you love, she’s more important.
...Than what? Than everything. Than you yourself. Than your friends. Than your career goals. Than everything else in your life.
Of course, this can be incredibly unhealthy. It’s where the line between love and pure obsession is drawn. Unfortunately, it’s a line that can quickly become blurry.
One moment, you're your own person, living your own life, having your own dreams, and then the next you believe the life of the woman you love to be more important than your own.
Such selflessness seems incredibly romantic, but at the same time, it isn’t healthy. You may be able to keep the mindset for quite some time, but such a mindset cannot be kept indefinitely.
Eventually, life will snap you back into your own mind and the fact that you let your own life get away from you will likely drive a wedge between you and the woman you love.
When you’re addicted to the woman you love… you’re basically screwed.
Love is beautiful, but it’s complicated. It’s difficult to understand as it’s mutable, changing over time and over the course of different relationships. Likewise, it always inevitably becomes a bit difficult to manage.
As relationships mature, our feelings change. Sometimes we believe these changes to be positive. Other times, they scare us, make us think that maybe because we love someone differently, we don’t love them the way we’re supposed to love them.
We often make the mistake of equating those intense emotions we experience with true love, when, in reality, they are just an alarm going off, letting us know we’ve finally found the one.
When you’re addicted to the woman you love, you’ll either spend the rest of your life obsessing over her, doing your best to make things continue working, or you will have lost her and spend the rest of your life missing her.
It sounds like a lose/lose situation, but, in reality, it’s a win/win. What’s that saying? “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” But, it’s like I said: You’re still basically screwed.