Over the course of his love life, a guy will feel many types of “likes” and “loves” for many different girls. Some will test his heart, others will test his mind and nearly all will test his dick.
But one type of ultra rare infatuation will test every fiber of a guy’s very being: when he likes a girl so much he doesn’t want to f*ck her.
It’s both the best and worst kind of initial crush you can have on a girl: best because it’s not every day you like a girl this strongly, worst because the single, most exciting inclination that’s supposed to come naturally when you meet an attractive girl has suddenly gone awry.
It’s a deep feeling that hits you in the early stages of meeting or knowing a girl whom you feel you can really go places with.
It’s a feeling that can throw a giant wrench in the “talking phase,” and while it won’t make or break you once you’re in a relationship, it can be a hell of a hurdle for you to jump over in order to get into one.
And the worst part is you set yourself up for it.
You’ve been hitting the gym tirelessly to make yourself more physically desirable. You went to the library just because you heard girls like a guy who reads and now you’ve finally found a girl you like, and all sexual desire has disappeared.
What does this mean? Are you in love? Is your sperm count low? Are you patient zero of some new disease that causes premature impotence?
There are a lot of reasons you may be feelings this fantastic, yet horrible feeling.
Your feelings are strangely innocent
In a way, not a lot has changed between how you like someone now and how you used to crush on someone on the playground.
It’s weird to think about now, but we didn’t always look at people and immediately think about what we’d do to them sexually.
Back then, if we were bending someone over, it was to play leapfrog. If we were pushing a girl’s head down, it was because she was the “goose” during duck, duck, goose.
When romantic feelings for someone drown out the sexual ones, you’re channeling very pure feelings unlike any you have ever had for a girl outside of your crushes on the playground during recess.
You know what you and sex are capable of
Those of you who were into the 80s punk scene or, more likely, played Tony Hawk’s Underground 2 as a kid, might remember a song titled “Add it Up” by the Violent Femmes in which this rare feeling is brilliantly and eloquently expressed:
Why can't I get just one screw? Believe me, I'd know what to do, but something won't let me make love to you.
It’s not that you don’t know what you’re doing -- you do.
It’s just that you know sex is often followed by a change in the chemistry of the relationship you had with whomever you slept with -- and that change is often a bad one.
You don’t want to “taint” her
If you had a dollar for every time you talked to your bros about all the filthy things you’d do to Margot Robbie, you might actually have a shot at flying out to the “Suicide Squad” premiere next year and doing them.
Thinking about sex used to not only be effortless for you, it was frankly becoming a bit of a concern.
Now, with regard to this new girl you’re talking to, the “sexiest” thing you can think of doing in bed is pulling the blankets over her and kissing her goodnight on the forehead.
All of a sudden, the filthy sex you wanted to have with poor Margot, along with a plethora of other women, just seems dirty and degrading when this person enters your thoughts.
And you don’t want to taint this girl with even the slightest thought of doing such things to her in bed. At least not yet.
You see her as “wifey material”
For some inexplicable reason, guys can look at a girl and know (or at least think we know) at a glance that she is “wife material.”
Rachel McAdams? Wife material. Megan Fox? F*ck only. Mila Kunis?... Sh*t, I don’t know.
When a girl is wife material, that sexual component is a must, but it’s not the first thing that necessarily comes to mind. Weird things like intelligence, sense of humor, personal interest, actually occupy more of a guy’s headspace at times.
You want to take it slow and exercise caution
It’s one thing to feel this way about someone and either not have the chance to even explore the early stages of dating her or have this feeling disappear as you grow comfortable with knowing her.
It’s another when you have this feeling and the opportunity to do the deed is -- literally -- at your doorstep.
Yes, I was on a date with a girl I liked so much that I didn’t want to have sex with her… just yet.
It was going great, and the night was winding down when she suggested going back to her place. I ran through every excuse in the book, from proposing we grab a “second dessert” to insisting it was “getting late.”
She wasn’t having it. Not wanting to be rude, I bit the bullet (hardly) and went up to her room. And there, this infatuation, though fun while it lasted, went away real quick.
And that’s what you need to remember: It’s not that all the sexual feeling you’re used to feeling for the opposite sex has disappeared with this particular girl. It’s just that other characteristics and thoughts about her are taking precedence.
So when the time comes, do what you know you should do: Go up to her room.
Once she slips into something a little more comfortable (or out of whatever it is she’s wearing), I promise all those sexual feelings you were looking for will come flooding back in.