It's Like A Drug: Why Women Let Men Get Away With Their Sh*t
Ladies, you know the drill: It's 3 o'clock in the morning, and you're in a huge t-shirt and sweatpants eating some ice cream concoction your roommate refers to as the "cure all."
Your hair hasn't been washed in days, and your mascara makes you look like the psychotic clown from "American Horror Story." (Frightening, right?) Why is this happening to you?
Once again, you let that one boy back into your world, and once again, he single-handedly destroyed your heart.
Yet, no matter what he does or how heartbroken you become in the aftermath, there is always something that brings you back, some act of gratification.
He'll make a cute phone call in the middle of the night after a long, hard week. Flowers are delivered to your doorstep. Something always ropes you back in.
These men are like a drug to which we've become addicted. Regardless of the hurt and pain they cause us, we just keep going back for more. When will we learn that this isn't good for us?
The big question is, why? Why do we allow ourselves to be treated like crap by these so-called "men"? The truth of the matter is, we all have that one guy in our lives.
You all know who he is. Either it's your boyfriend you've been dating on and off for years (who treats you horribly), or your FWB who wouldn't know a relationship if it hit him in the face.
From experience, I know it's become commonplace for a man to get by idly treating a woman like dirt. Here are the reasons I've come up with, trying to understand why we put ourselves through the hurt:
We Care Too Much
We're girls -- it's what we do. We care; we have feelings, and we can't stop them. Our minds constantly go into panic mode when we don't hear from our men.
We immediately think the absolute worst, even though more likely than not his phone died and knowing him, he's got some crap flip phone from 2003.
We consider the little things and always think of him when making decisions, like if he'd want take-out from his favorite restaurant down the street. We girls get personally connected and emotionally attached.
He's constantly on our minds, yet he can't even bother to remember to call back. It sucks, but we're programmed to be caregivers, and we end up giving a lot more than we take.
We Think We Can Fix Them
If something is wrong, we instinctually feel the need to change it. This is particularly true when it comes to the men in our lives. We have this innate belief that we can "fix" our guy and make him better.
It could be something as small as trying to get him to put the toilet seat down after using our bathroom or some other bad habit he's picked up. Thinking we can change someone is our mistake.
If he's the right guy, you wouldn't feel the need to fix him or his behaviors. The fact that you need to change something about him proves he's probably wrong for you.
Yeah, there are always going to be aspects of your significant other that you wish were different, but when the change consumes you, that's when you know there's a problem.
In my personal experience, this is one of the biggest reasons we let men treat us badly. We like to believe people and their behaviors can change "with a little help from a friend," but the truth of the matter is, they need to fix themselves.
Simple behaviors, such as texting us back and calling the morning after spending the night together, should be easy enough to remember. If your so-called "perfect" guy can't even manage that, it might be time to look at the situation from a different point of view.
The Fear of Change
Change is overwhelming and scary. I probably couldn't tell you a single person who warmly embraces change.
You've been in a relationship with a guy for two years, and you think it's pretty good. However, sometimes you just feel as if something's wrong. Maybe it's your first relationship, or he was the one who took your virginity.
You've experienced every intimate moment with him. You're just unsure, but you let the relationship continue because it's what you're used to.
Turning a blind eye to the occasional screaming match isn't going to do you any favors, but you're scared. You don't know anything different. Again, this is no reason to stay, but it is a factor that holds you back from going out and making new choices in regard to your love life.
You're scared and that's understandable, but it's not a reason to stay in a relationship you're not 100 percent about (especially if he doesn't treat you right).
We Believe the Good Outweighs the Bad
This is the ultimate reason why we let guys mistreat us.
In our heads, we like to think of the good times, not the bad. Often, we even distance the bad memories from our minds, placing them in some far off, distant land in our heads, where we hope they never return.
But, the fact of the matter is one good moment does not and will never outweigh hundreds of bad moments.
I've come to realize that one good moment isn't enough. Yes, we can have that moment, look back on it and smile. We can feel butterflies in our stomachs and hold on to that last kiss.
We can remember the way our hands intertwined and the look in his eyes as he told us things he hasn't told anyone else.
This one moment can be ingrained forever in our minds, but it shouldn't cloud our judgment.
Having one perfect night with him is everything, which is why we justify him not calling us back, or even worse, being with someone else when he's supposed to be with us. But, that's the root problem of it all: We shouldn't let this one moment excuse the behavior and allow it to happen over and over again.
Sometimes, the good does outweigh the bad. The good moments are more frequent; however, the bad often engulfs the good and causes so much pain, to the point of heartbreak.
No one deserves this feeling. Not a single person on this earth deserves to feel sad, lost or unappreciated -- especially by someone she loves.
So, if the bad memories keep creeping back into your thoughts, and you can't remember the last time you laughed with him, maybe it's time to reevaluate the situation at hand.