Ladies, let me tell you a quick story.
On a recent date, I met a fine looking lady at a local, hip bar. I picked the bar because I knew it had a good selection of classic cocktails and a quiet atmosphere.
After a couple of drinks, some prodding and joking around, I could not get her to laugh or even smile.
I tried everything short of twerking on the bar. While it is possible that my jokes are dull, most people would have the kindness to at least crack a sympathy smile.
If I go on dates with five women, it’s likely that four of them will be boring. (It is also possible that I have poor taste in picking women to date.)
Ironically, when scanning online dating profiles, most of them report that they are looking for a man who can make them laugh.
Well, of course. Everyone loves to smile and laugh. However, it’s not fair to mandate your date be a your sole and constant source of humor and fun.
When I am out, I try to let my date speak for a majority of the time. When appropriate, I interject with teasing or corny jokes. Yet, rarely does the woman reciprocate with jokes of her own.
After dates, my friends ask how things went. Typically, I have to report that it was a pretty boring time and that there was no real connection.
Though a “chicken or the egg” enigma exists here, it usually seems that we didn’t have a connection because we weren’t having fun.
My corny jokes and teasing cannot be the only source of humor. Humor is a method to let our guard down, have fun and create emotional connections. It’s what makes us want to go on second dates.
This means that women need to step up to the plate and throw their men some jokes, funny stories or even a goofy riddle — anything silly will do.
There is nothing wrong with talking about careers, dreams, family or hobbies, but it’s not enough when a good old-fashioned sense of humor is lacking.
Opportunities to create inside jokes with your date are fantastic ways to keep the smiles rolling. Inside jokes can stem from truly anything — just stay lighthearted and open.
There are a few topics to avoid, however. Do not tease a man about something that is out of his control.
Short men detest being teased about their height. Jokes about politics, race and ethnicity are also inappropriate in most circumstances. Jokes about sexual performance, penis size or sexual experience are generally instant turn-offs, also.
Before a date, I conjure a few stories, jokes and intriguing queries to use when out. Do your homework and be prepared to throw some entertainment on the table.
Use what you have -- whether it’s a Facebook page, online dating profile or a mutual friend. Guys love funny ladies; we’ll keep coming back for more if you keep us laughing.
One method to increase the fun factor would be to plan an atypical date. Putting yourself in an environment where you can laugh and have a good time will relieve tensions and allow for more humor. Fun and unusual dates include miniature golfing, dance lessons, skiing, ice-skating and comedy shows.
The important thing to remember is to pick a date that both of you will enjoy and to go into it with open arms.
There is nothing wrong with having an elegant dinner or seeing a movie, but those allow little room to goof around or really express yourself.
Also, men like to know what makes you tick and what makes you get out of bed in the morning.
Instead of telling us how you like to travel, tell your man about the crazy trip you took when you met a local in Cartagena who got you into the hottest clubs until 5 am, which sparked your obsession with salsa dancing.
Describe your personal experiences and use language that articulates why you’re passionate. It is a bit like writing a descriptive essay where your high school English teacher droned on about “show, don’t tell.” Passionate conversation can include topics that get your brain or heart excited.
Think about conversations you had when you spoke a-mile-a-minute, with a huge smile on your face. Those are conversations in which you show your passion.
The conversation needs to be fluid and hopefully, you will pick up some cues about what your date is passionate about, as well.
When your date shows excitement about a topic, ask some insightful questions to fan the flames of his excitement. I realize this takes more work than just sitting there and looking pretty, but drink some caffeine and show some enthusiasm!
Showing excitement about a topic communicates to your date that your personality has depth. Any man looking for a relationship wants a partner who is interesting to be around and is intriguing.
Having a blast on the first date will only lead to more dates. In a nutshell, ladies, have fun on your dates and take initiative to show your passion and sense of humor.
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