I Care About How My SO Looks, And That Doesn’t Make Me A Bad Person
Every person I’ve ever met has had a celebrity crush.
It is usually a dreamboat guy or girl who was literally born with every physical advantage possible, and is absolutely unattainable to the majority of us.
When we see his or her picture come across Instagram or somewhere on our newsfeed, we instantly feel that wave of sexy wash over us like we are being baptized by his or her perfectly symmetrical good looks.
For me, that person is Idris Elba.
He is tall, dark and handsome. He makes my heart go pitter-patter, like I’m in a damn cartoon.
While I don’t anticipate running into an Idris Elba doppelgänger who also shares my love for reality television and white wine, I do want to be with a partner who makes my heart rush just as much -- if not more -- when I see him.
I want to be with a partner who makes sex an enjoyable experience instead of a chore.
I want to be with a partner who turns me on.
There are a billion other qualities I would like my partner to have besides broad shoulders and a smooth, melt-in-your-mouth chocolate complexion.
Here are three reasons why physical attraction is definitely at the top of my list:
1. We're going to have sex, right?
If we are in a relationship, I suspect we will be getting it on.
But how the hell am I supposed to get revved up to go if I have no interest in seeing you naked?
How am I supposed to get excited about rolling around in the sheets with you if there is no sexual attraction?
Trust me: I have tried to date men I've had little-to-no physical attraction to because they were nice, smart, interesting and had a lot going for themselves.
But when it came down to even a make out session, I was totally not into it at all.
So the thought of having sex with these men was seriously far-fetched.
2. Your physical appearance initiates a conversation.
Let’s be honest: The reason you approach a man or woman at a bar, bookstore or coffee shop is because you find him or her attractive.
This does not mean the person has to be attractive on some sort of litmus scale.
This person is attractive to you. This is what draws you in.
If I see a man who doesn't get me going, it is unlikely I will be willing to take his number or give him the time of day.
3. Your physical attraction does not have to be universal.
While I find physical attraction to be very important when starting a relationship, my mate's appearance has to appeal only to me.
I don’t care if everyone else thinks my mate looks like the Loch Ness Monster.
That is none of my business. It would be ridiculous to require that my guy be attractive to everyone in the world.
Does a man like that even exist?
(Yes: Idris Elba).
As long as I think he's hot and he makes me feel tingley, that’s all that really matters.
After all, he is my man.
The science of physical attraction has been studied and dissected. The evidence shows that physical attraction is a major factor in a successful relationship.
While it's not the only factor -- because I can’t deal with an Idris Elba lookalike who is as dumb as a bag of bricks -- it is definitely important.
When I see my future husband or longterm man, I should want to jump his bones. There's nothing wrong with that.