The Real Reason Girls Like You And J Law Aren't Getting Asked Out
Jennifer Lawrence is every woman's #GirlCrush, and she is every man's celebrity crush.
J Law recently revealed that men don't ask her out.
The world seemed to let out an audible gasp. How is this possible?
How could the "girl who was on fire" herself be out in the world without any potential suitors?
Could it be true?
As a personal matchmaker based in Beverly Hills, I am not at all surprised to hear that Jennifer Lawrence never gets asked out.
Girl bosses, celebrity women and confident go-getters rocking their lives and careers are fixtures in my office. I've even had a former Playboy cover model come in to lament the fact that no men ever ask her out.
It pains me so much to see these beautiful women questioning themselves. They wonder if there's something horribly wrong with them.
I always tell them what I am telling you now, fabulous reader: You are not alone.
Something very peculiar has happened to the single men of our generation.
This is something no generation of women has ever had to deal with before: a mainstream acceptance of dating apps.
The dating apps have had an unprecedented effect on the single men and women of our world.
Psychologists are left scratching their heads when it comes to the socialization and dating norms of our generation.
What will the long-term effects of our addiction to social media be?
Are dating apps ruining men’s ability to approach a woman in real life?
The short answer is "yes."
Dating apps are infringing upon our social skills on a very basic level, and women are left feeling the brunt of it all.
Men's fear of approaching a woman they find attractive is massive.
Approach anxiety is a very real thing. However, it was unavoidable in the past.
Historically, men had no choice but to learn how to cope with it.
But in our generation, a guy doesn’t technically have to approach a woman or ask her out in person if he wants a date.
What used to be the only way of having male-female dating interactions is now the least preferred way of asking a woman out.
Why would guys put themselves through the awkwardness, anxiety and potentially ego-crushing rejection that comes with asking a woman out?
Even if they are in the same social circle or friend group, many men will defer from asking a woman out unless she has given him some clear, obvious sign she wants to be asked out (aka, a drunken make-out session at the bar).
Women are then left feeling undesirable and sexually frustrated because movies and history have always told us that our prince charming will be the one to sweep us off our feet (or at least have enough nerve to talk to us in person).
In a utopian society, men would be approaching and asking out the women they find attractive on a daily basis.
Do a little social experiment yourself.
Walk over to the nearest Starbucks and take a look at the guys in the room.
Notice the one thing they all have in common: They are all looking down at their phones.
It is exponentially easier to send out a message on one of these apps than it is to approach the beautiful woman who just walked into the coffee shop.
Since men are so glued to their phones and their dating apps, when they see a woman they are attracted to in person, they clam up.
Their hunter instincts kick in, and they feel their heart rates rising with the thought of approaching the women.
But when the thoughts of panic and rejection swirl around in their heads, they have to choose to fight (approach) or flight (whip out their swiping apps).
They choose flight.
On top of it all, if you add in a stunningly gorgeous woman and give her an Oscar, the men are utterly paralyzed.
So, what’s a girl to do?
Ladies, it’s time to take things into our own hands.
This is something I love to teach during a date coaching session with a forlorn bachelorette: Drop your handkerchief.
Back in Victorian times, it was totally taboo for women to speak to men unless they were spoken to first.
Women had the raw end of the deal because who they married essentially determined every aspect of their lives moving forward.
The brilliant women of the time devised a genius way to get men to speak to them first.
A woman would drop her handkerchief in front of a man. Then, he would lean down to pick it up.
He would hand it over to her with an, “Excuse me, miss, you seem to have dropped your handkerchief.”
Fast-forward a few hundred years: Women must begin dropping their handkerchiefs if they want to date offline.
Break the ice in an indirect way.
You can ask that cute guy next to you in line at Starbucks, “Do you know what's in the Salted Caramel Mocha Frappuccino?”
He will be happy to answer your question.
The key here is to then continue the conversation with a follow-up question that is more direct.
My favorite is, “Wow, thanks! Are you from around here?”
Done. Handkerchief dropped.
He will take it from there.
So J Law, don’t you worry. You are in very good company.
It’s not you; it’s the men.