The Risk Of Dating A Friend Is That You May Never Get That Friend Back
It’s 12:15 am and I stumble into my cozy college townhouse after a shift at the campus coffee stop. My roommates are deep in a melodramatic conversation, but still manage to surprise me with a bottle of crisp, cold cider. It’s just what I needed.
Although this was the night before classes started up after a long break, and senior work was itching to be completed, we remained glued to our conversations about recent betrayals and exhibitions of disrespect.
All of a sudden, one of the gals turned to me and said, “But Ivana, how are you doing?”
You see, I was too busy with schoolwork to let a recent breakup -- end to a "thing," or whatever you want to call it -- sink in. It wasn’t until a few days away from school that I finally experienced the aching betrayal of what he had done.
Long story, very short, we were best friends for three years, tried dating and realized we didn’t like each other as much as we expected. It was the kindest and most civil division I’d ever experienced, and it was a mutual agreement.
Later, I found out he had tried and also hid some underhanded things he had done that not only disrespected me as his partner, but as his (formerly) close friend.
Like Taylor Swift, I have a long list of ex-lovers with terrible stories to match, from the guy who yelled at me openly at a party to the one who, without reason, decided I no longer existed.
Don’t forget the “man” who didn’t have the nuts to tell me he only saw me as a friend until the day after Valentine’s Day.
Let’s say I’ve had my fair share of bad eggs, just like every other Millennial girl. I also can’t pretend I’m blameless. I’ve forgotten to text a guy back; I've ended things when I knew the guy really liked me.
Karma and learning experiences go hand-in-hand, and just because I was the one who ended it or didn’t play fair, doesn’t mean it was fun or easy.
But, never do I seek to impose the pain I experienced from this unexpected loss. This wasn’t just any guy; he was someone I trusted completely and respected. Even when we ended things, I still cared deeply for him in an unromantic way.
It was when I found out the despicable thing he had said to others and unrespectable things he said about me that I felt completely deceived.
Prior to the short vacation, I distraughtly approached a male friend about the situation when I finally started to realize how much it hurt to lose him as a friend. Said friend I approached patiently explained to me that some people have two personalities: one with friends and one with potentials.
The friendly side of the person is kind and thoughtful, while the opposite personality is less considerate and more impulsive. The second part of the person is solely based on what kind of relationships he or she is able to handle with potential partners before disconnecting.
My roommate reaffirmed this theory from personal experience; friends appreciate their friends from personal relationships, but not always for who they are with their partners. We both agreed on the sad reality of this truth.
Just because we had moved things to the next level, he thought it was okay to place me into the category of "adventures."
No longer was I the silly first-year who sang Disney songs with him after class; no longer was I the girl who was there for his big breakup sophomore year; no longer was I the best friend who Skyped with him from abroad.
Now, I was just another one of his girls.
Let me be bitter, and if you have ever had to endure the chilling change in character of someone you thought you trusted, let yourself be bitter. It’s incredible how the expression of emotion has become synonymous with being that “crazy” girl your guy friends always warn you about.
It’s not impolite; let your feelings run their natural course. And, then, it’s time to move onto bigger and better partners.
Because I know you’re going to read this, I don’t care about the lies you tell to your friends; we both know they’re not true. If I ever tried to rationalize with you, it’d be impossible because you’ve rationalized the situation with yourself.
Life is so much easier accepting the apology from you I never received.