Stocksy

Why I've Never Had Just One Type When It Comes To Dating

Everybody seems to have a type. My brother loves redheads, and a guy friend I have likes Jewish women with blonde hair. My old roommate likes guys with green eyes. A coworker of mine likes skinny, hipster men. My friend likes her men tall and “hot.” I’ve heard it all.

The best, though, is hearing the deal-breakers: “I would never date a doctor… a man with a hairy back… an only child… somebody with a high-pitched voice… a woman from New York.”

Sometimes what we want and what’s good for us are completely different.

I’ve a dated a wide array of men -- blondes, Asians, redheads, brunettes, tall guys, hairy guys, younger guys, older guys, military guys, guys in finance, guys in medicine and on, and on.

Am I crazy because I don’t have a type? No, I just believe certain attributes like physical appearance and career path are a small portion of an actual person.

I’ve always tried to focus on a guy’s personality, sense of humor and the chemistry we share, all of which differ depending on the person. (If you don’t understand what I mean by that, then you haven’t dated enough different people.)

I've never had a (physical) type, like "tall, dark and handsome," which I can agree is nice. But, don’t people realize we’re all going to get old, shrivel up and turn into white-haired, grouchy bastards?

I know it’s difficult to stray from your type, but I assure you, it could make all the difference. I used to say I would never date a fitness fanatic or even an outdoorsy guy, and now, I’m dating a triathlete who’s made over 200 skydiving jumps.

He and I are opposites in many respects, and if I had seen him on social media, I would have disregarded him. Luckily, I met him in person and all the “problems” I would have foreseen didn’t make a single difference in our relationship.

If I had turned him away, I would have never known that we share the same sense of humor, the same passion for success and the same weirdness.

The problem with dating nowadays (shout out to online dating sites) is that we have too many options. We can flip through a hundred different people on our phones, without having to utter a single word to them.

Naturally, we all become picky, and we start to eliminate men and women based on their hairstyles, their friends, their quirky interests or their college majors (which doesn’t matter anyway). You could argue, isn’t that the whole point of dating? To find your ideal man or woman?

Well, I thought the whole point was to eventually find the one person who understands you, loves you and wants to spend the rest of his or her life with you (regardless of your bad habits, your insecurities and your many faults).

Forget the type you’ve built up in your head. Doesn’t spending the rest of your life with somebody who challenges you, makes you laugh, supports you and cares about you sound the most ideal?

If yes, then stop searching for your type. It never existed anyway.

We all have faults, and by fixating on specific requirements like age, height, appearance and interests, then we’re already forcing our future partners into an unrealistic category of perfection. We’re not looking to fulfill a job position; we’re looking for a lifelong partner.

Yes, you should be picky, but only about things that matter. For instance, does this person want kids? Do you want kids? Does he or she believe in marriage? Is he or she religious? Does this person want to ultimately live in California or London? Is he or she sensitive? Does he or she treat others well? And so on...

By dating various men with different looks, opinions, interests and career paths, I’ve become more open to possibilities. I’ve learned that certain traits, like ambition, which a man of any career path could have, are more important than the way he looks, dresses or where he’s from.

It’s allowed me to meet some fantastic guys whom I would have never met otherwise.