If you think that you have met the one, then you are probably experiencing an array of symptoms right now that are anywhere between butterflies in the stomach to sweaty palms to giddy anticipation of the future. If you are asking yourself, "Is she the one?" then you also need to be asking yourself some questions that will truly ground you in the reality of the relationship you have with this person. Even though someone might be the one, that doesn't mean things will necessarily work out on their own.
When you think you have found the one, you also need to make sure that what you have to offer one another will be a healthy, balanced, and productive relationship. You need to make sure that both of your needs are being met. Above all, you need to make sure that if she is "the one," then you are not putting her up on an unrealistic pedestal. If you do, it's inevitable that she is going to fall off of it eventually. And if this is the case, the relationship might not survive.
Here are the three questions you need to ask yourself immediately after you find yourself wondering, "Is she the one?"
1. Do I Feel Entitled To Be With Her?
When you are wondering whether or not the girl you're seeing is the one, it's important not to mistake being in love with someone as having the fundamental right to be with them forever. Are you latching onto this relationship out of some sense of ownership or possession? Or are you truly interested in building your connection into a lasting partnership?
If you think that she is the one, then you also need to make sure that what you are looking for in a person is realistic. Do you think that she is the one because you are putting her on a pedestal or making her live up to some expectation that is impossible for a person to fulfill? The early stages of infatuation can definitely make a person seem flawless. Just be sure that if she is the one, then that means you really do want to be with her — warts and all — and for the right reasons.
2. What Do I Want Out Of A Committed Relationship?
It's not enough to simply enter a relationship because you've found your soulmate. I definitely do believe in soulmates, but I also don't think that soulmate relationships necessarily work out. When you are deciding that you want to be with someone, it's because they bring you more than just the pleasure of their presence. They open you up to new experiences, push you to learn new things, offer a grounding energy, or any number of other qualities that will enrich your life.
A committed relationship is more than wanting to be with the person for the sake of being with them. It involves having a vision and a blurry idea of how you want the future to progress. That's not to say that the relationship will be exactly what you envision for it — that's never how it works. But if you're asking yourself, "Is she the one?" you also need to be asking yourself, "Why do we work well together?"
3. How Do I Make Sure Her Needs Are Met?
It's beautiful when you have met somebody who upholds everything that you want in "the one." But a relationship is definitely a two-way street. When you think that you have met somebody who brings you everything you are seeking in a partner, you need to also make sure that you are bringing them everything they are seeking — or at least that you are meeting her needs in a relationship.
Even soulmate relationships aren't necessarily lasting or perfect unions. In a relationship, peoples' needs are continuously changing and evolving. In order to be sustainable, you and your partner will need to move with the changes so that you can continue to grow together. Otherwise, even though she might be the one, the two of you might find your connection eventually pulling apart.
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