If Your Partner Doesn't Ask You About These 5 Things, They're Not Serious About You

by Anjali Sareen Nowakowski

Dating someone and wondering "Where is this all going?" is one of the worst feelings in the world. If you've had to think to yourself, "Are they serious about me?" you could be at the critical relationship phase where you're about to have "The Talk." Either it's The Talk about moving forward or The Talk about breaking up.

There are, though, some ways to tell whether or not the person you are with is serious about you. First and foremost, someone who is serious about you will have made sure to have a few specific conversations with you. If your partner hasn't asked you about these five things well into your relationship, then it could be they're just not that serious about you.

1. Your Thoughts On Commitment

A partner who is serious about you will want to find out your thoughts about commitment — long before they are ready to actually commit.

These days, not everyone wants to get married or even be with someone long-term. So before actually getting into a long-term commitment, a partner who is serious about will ask you how you feel about it. They'll probably also ask about your parents' relationship, your childhood, and anything else that could impact your view of commitment.

For example, my husband knew I wasn't a giant fan of commitment as soon as we started hanging out. He also knew, though, that I was open to talking about it and getting to know him. (That's how I ended up married.)

Someone who is serious about you will try to get your thoughts on commitment pretty soon and will also want you to know how they feel about commitment, even if it's not the way you might be expecting. So if your partner hasn't at least probed for what some of your thoughts are on long-term love, they may not be very serious about you.

2. Whether Or Not You Want Kids


Do you want kids? How many do you want if you do? If you don't want kids, would you ever consider a future with someone who does want them?

My husband and I talked about how I felt about kids (not good, if you're wondering) the first time we ever hung out. He knew right away I wasn't going to have any and that I had no interested in a future that involved children.

When a person is starting to think about a serious life with you, they're also thinking about the things they've been told matter, like marriage and babies. Maybe kids aren't even on your radar, and maybe they aren't on your partner's, but the two of you won't know you are on the same page unless you talk about it.

If your partner is serious, they'll try to find out how you feel about kids so they can figure out if the two of you fit together.

3. Your Hopes And Dreams

Lucas Ottone

Someone who is really serious about you won't just spend time asking about your day and what you've been doing at work. They'll want to get deeper into knowing you and to find out about your hopes, dreams, and goals for your future.

On my very first date with my husband, we talked about exactly how we wanted our futures to look. I told him I wanted to travel a lot — almost full-time — and that I never planned on being still in one place. He told me about how he was in the middle of his chiropractic boards and couldn't wait to be practicing. It's how we connected.

A serious partner will want to know what makes you tick. They'll want to get in your head as much as possible and will spend time asking about what makes you you. If they don't, they likely aren't planning for a future with you.

4. Your Opinion


A partner who is serious about you will want to know your opinion on everything, from the current political climate to how their shirt looks.

My husband doesn't often leave the house without asking me how he looks at least twice. He also texts me whenever he finds an interesting piece of news and asks me what I think about it. I find it super endearing because it reminds me that he cares about me.

If you aren't being asked your opinion on anything, whether it's just your significant other's choice of socks or your significant other's life choices, this is probably a sign they aren't too serious about you.

5. If They Can Help

My husband asks me if he can help me with things all the time (even if he knows he can't). Whether I'm throwing together my favorite cup of tea in the morning or working on a new article, he asks me constantly if there's anything he can do. And I love it.

A partner who is serious about you will want to do whatever they can to make your life easier and better. I do the same thing for my husband because he's my favorite person in the world, and if I can help, I want to.

If your partner never asks to help and, in fact, barely seems interested in what you are doing, they may not be serious about you. Your perfect-fit partner will offer to help you so much, you always feel sure about how much they love and care about you and what you're doing.

If you've had to continuously wonder if someone is serious about you, unfortunately, chances are, they aren't. Someone who is truly serious about you will make sure you feel it all the time.

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