Kevin Gilgan

Study Says Cracked iPhone Is Why You're Not Getting Laid


If you're attempting to read this through your cracked iPhone, then I'm sorry to tell you this, but it's the reason you're not getting laid.

I'll admit I've been guilty of holding onto a broken phone screen for so long that every time I swiped right, the broken glass would slice my thumb a little.

I just assumed it needed my life energy in order to find my perfect mate. The small blood sacrifice would be worth it.

According to new research, I was wrong.

In a study published on USA Today, 5,000 millennials were surveyed and admitted cracked phone screens were a huge turn-off.

Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and chief scientific adviser to the dating service Match, said,

YOOOOOOO! How true is this statement, though?

If I hear someone using the clicking sounds on their phone, I'm like, "How old are you?"

If I notice someone has a cracked phone, I assume they are careless and cheap.

Don't even get me started on green bubbles.


That's not all the knowledge we gained from the study, either.

Apparently, Millennials are more likely to have sex before a first date than any other generation.

While we may have learned from supporting roles in romantic comedies we should wait until at least the third date, millennials are 48 percent more likely to do it before the first date even begins.

Fisher said,

"Why buy the cow when can you get the milk for free?" What if that milk sucks?!

Kimberly Resnick Anderson, a certified sex therapist, explains,

But this doesn't mean sex is cheap for us. According to the study, millennials are also the least likely to cheat on a partner.

Not surprisingly, Republicans are 48 percent more inclined to cheat, as are heavy drinkers.

Citations: Study: Millennials Totally Cool With Having Sex Before A First Date, Turned Off By Cracked iPhone Screens (BroBible)