Study Claims Your Cracked iPhone Screen Is The Reason You're Not Getting Laid

by Hope Schreiber
Kevin Gilgan

If you're attempting to read this through your cracked iPhone, then I'm sorry to tell you this, but it's the reason you're not getting laid.

I'll admit I've been guilty of holding onto a broken phone screen for so long that every time I swiped right, the broken glass would slice my thumb a little.

I just assumed it needed my life energy in order to find my perfect mate. The small blood sacrifice would be worth it.

According to new research, I was wrong.

In a study published on USA Today, 5,000 millennials were surveyed and admitted cracked phone screens were a huge turn-off.

Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and chief scientific adviser to the dating service Match, said,

Singles don't like people who have a cracked phone or an old phone or those who use a clicking sound when typing. I think we will see more of these taboos as singles are leading the way in expressing new forms of politeness in the technological era.

YOOOOOOO! How true is this statement, though?

If I hear someone using the clicking sounds on their phone, I'm like, "How old are you?"

If I notice someone has a cracked phone, I assume they are careless and cheap.

Don't even get me started on green bubbles.


That's not all the knowledge we gained from the study, either.

Apparently, Millennials are more likely to have sex before a first date than any other generation.

While we may have learned from supporting roles in romantic comedies we should wait until at least the third date, millennials are 48 percent more likely to do it before the first date even begins.

Fisher said,

We have a real misunderstanding of Millennials. I think they are very career oriented, so sex before the first date could be a sex interview, where they want to know if they want to spend time with this person.

"Why buy the cow when can you get the milk for free?" What if that milk sucks?!

Kimberly Resnick Anderson, a certified sex therapist, explains,

We used to think of sex as you crossed the line now you are in an intimate zone, but now sex is almost a given and it's not the intimate part. The intimate part is getting to know someone and going on a date.

But this doesn't mean sex is cheap for us. According to the study, millennials are also the least likely to cheat on a partner.

Not surprisingly, Republicans are 48 percent more inclined to cheat, as are heavy drinkers.

Citations: Study: Millennials Totally Cool With Having Sex Before A First Date, Turned Off By Cracked iPhone Screens (BroBible)