Confidence is sexy, but trust me, I know it's really hard for girls to feel confident all the time.
With time, practice and a little more self-love, I've learned it's OK to feel a little insecure sometimes.
What's not OK is to let those insecurities take over your relationships.
Guys can sense when you're not feeling confident, and while I understand whomever you're dating should "love you for you," nobody wants to be with somebody who lets insecurities get the best of them.
It's OK to not feel like you're a bad bitch all the time. Just know that when you don't make an effort to love yourself or are constantly spitting out negativity, it will make your man run for the hills.
Here are 11 particular insecurities that are major red flags for men, according to guys on Reddit:
1. Trashing other women.
When she is constantly spouting out negative things about other girls' appearances. She can criticize others no problem, but say one word about her and...
Let's stop the girl-on-girl crime already. IT'S. NOT. CUTE. Nobody wants to be around someone who only has negative things to say about other people.
And, it just makes guys wonder what you say about them behind their backs.
2. Not letting him hang out with his friends.
Being clingy. I need a lot of time alone or with my friends and I don't want my partner to be anxious or angry at me for doing so.
If you get to have a girls' night, let him have a boys' night. Trust, people.
And it's only fair!
3. Getting irrationally jealous.
If she feels threatened by a gorgeous woman in some commercial.
Being crazy jealous over some other girl — especially one your guy has zero chance with — is so strange to me.
Just because one woman is pretty doesn't make you any less pretty.
4. Needing to be attached at the hip.
To me the easiest test has been if I have to baby-sit you in any kind of group hang out and feel like I can't leave you alone for two seconds. My first SO in college had issues with social anxiety. Any time we went out, 100% of my attention had to be on her or she'd shell up and get pissy later. It started isolating me from my friends. My current SO and I sometimes barely hang out when we're at the same party. We see each other all the time anyways - parties are a good chance to hang out with other friends.
(What he'll look like if you do this, minus the baby, probably.)
Having no friends and not being able to stand alone is such a huge turn off for both sexes.
It's better to show him you can get along with his friends — with or without him.
5. Being an attention whore.
Attention-seeking is the big one. If she's constantly leading other people on, or starting drama for the sake of having the spotlight on herself, or becoming upset at the drop of a hat, she needs constant reassurance of her own value, and cares much more about that than the people in her life, including you.
You don't need the spotlight on you all the time, sweetie. Take a nap or something.
6. Accusing him of using you for sex.
If you've been together a while, stating that sex is your only motivator for the relationship... even though once or twice a week is the norm. Little too personal maybe...
A guy isn't going to take you out on dates, spend all his time with you outside of the bedroom and talk to you before 10 pm if he's only using you for sex.
Give him — and yourself — more credit than that.
7. Not telling him what you want because you're convinced he made plans without you.
When she won't ask for something she wants because she figures I already have a plan or something else to do. If you want to hang out, tell me, if you want to have sex, tell me. If you want a topping on your pizza, you can tell me, but I'm still ordering pepperoni and pineapple; order your own goddamn pizza if you wanna choose the ingredients.
Oh, I can relate to this one.
I used to be that girl who NEVER asked a guy to hang out because I didn't want him to get bored of me and was scared of rejection. I took it personally if he was busy with work or had other plans.
Turns out, he wanted to see me as much as I wanted to see him.
He just wanted me to invite myself over more instead of him always having to ask me to hang out.
8. Not letting him watch porn.
Being upset about porn use (except with regards to the ethics of the industry (EDIT: or if it's causing neglect or an issue with a partner's ability/willingness to engage in mutual intimacy). - Dealbreaker-level concern. This is what I left my ex over. If you're jealous of people on a screen that I've never met or actually interacted with, you're not operating in reality, and I can't date you.
I don't know why girls get mad at this.
Shout out to the ladies who probably watch more porn than guys do! *Raises hand*
If she goes through my phone.
Invasion of privacy. 'Nuff said.
10. Shy sex.
Insists on sex with the lights off or won't take her shirt or bra off during sex.
Nothing is hotter than being able to look into each other's eyes while having sex.
How can you do that when the lights are off?
11. Getting upset when he can't get back to you right away.
Can't function unless I text back very quickly
Look, being busy is an actual thing. You don't need to be in contact every second of every day.
If someone tried to bother me when I'm just trying to cry to Drake songs, I'd be like BOYYYY, BYE.
So yes, it's OK to feel insecure. Just don't let it get the best of you. Or your relationship.