"It's not you, it's me" is the legendary ending to so many relationships.
So, you decide to break up with your boyfriend. It may have been mutual, it may have been your doing and it may even have been his (as if he could do better).
No breakup is without a little angst, but overall, you think you're handing it pretty well. Either way, he will always be a part of you, and he will always have a place in your heart.
Even though it wasn't meant to be, you still catch yourself thinking back fondly on memories you shared. After all, it's the end of an era. Then, you discover your ex has a new girlfriend, and this news is suddenly f*cking up your entire world.
You have only been broken up for a couple of months. How did he move on already? What does that say about how he felt about you?
F*ck. *Enter insecurities and curiosity*
Oops, did my finger accidentally slip and click on her Instagram? Let's take a look-see.
Dude, she's a dead ringer for Weird Al. Like, they could be twins. He finds that attractive?
Forget Weird Al, look at those teeth. Neigh! Good thing her nose is so big because it kinda blocks them somewhat. She's the prettiest of all of her friends, and that isn't saying much.
What's with all the hippie posts? He so hates this bullsh*t. He is liking every single post though. Vomit. No one cares what you ate for breakfast, honey, artsy photo or not.
Ugh, there's a lovey-dovey couple post. Avert your eyes!
Honestly, I don't get it. She's not even his type. Everyone has told me I'm so much better. Why is he with her?
These might be some of the thoughts you have while stalking your ex's new bae. It might even be the truth with just a side dish of bitter, but it won't put you in any different position than you were before. He is with her now, and you don't have to understand why.
After all, love is patient, love is kind and sometimes love is blind, too. All jokes aside, it isn't worth it to hate on your ex's new girlfriend. It is negative energy that won't help you to move on.
Plus, you probably have a lot more in common with her than you'd guess. Like what, you scoff? Here are five things you probably have in common with your ex's new girlfriend:
1. She probably cannot stand his annoying habits or hobbies.
Remember all the nights he kept you awake with his loud snoring, followed by days of sleepy, unproductive work days as a result? Now she gets to deal with "the wood chipper" while you show up to work well-rested, ready to flaunt the #girlboss you are (Congrats on finally getting that killer promotion you were hoping for!)
Let's not even get started on the video games and comic book obsession. B*tch, don't kill my vibe.
2. She thinks his friend Dave is a tool, too.
There is always the one (or two) in a group who is a tool, and Dave is definitely that guy. Your ex has been friends with him for years, they're bros and he just can't figure out how to tell his buddy he's f*cking up.
Dave is always getting sloppy drunk, cheating on his girlfriend (if he manages to keep one) and encouraging his boys to get into situations that cause drama and sometimes even get them into real trouble. Whenever you talk to him about Dave, he gets a little defensive, and you suddenly feel like the nagging girlfriend.
Worry no more. These woes now lay on the shoulders of the new bae, who probably wonders how you dealt with it all.
3. She obviously likes the sweater you bought him, judging on how she's hanging all over him in that pic.
All snark aside, your ex has a fairly good sense of style (which you obviously helped take to the next level during your relationship), and he is pretty cute. It was part of what you found attractive, right?
What can possibly be said? Props on the OOTD, ex. (And, um, you're welcome for the sweater.)
4. It's impossible for her not to love how devoted he is to his family, especially to his mom.
Whenever a guy shows he cares about his mother, it's pretty swoon-worthy. After all, how a guy treats his mother is a good indication of how he will treat you.
Your ex was super sweet to his mom and sisters. He would have done anything for them, and he would never let anyone hurt them. How can anyone not love a quality like that?
5. Honestly, she probably fell in love with all the same things about him that you did.
It's harsh, but it's true. The little unexpected love notes, the flowers at work and the surprise picnic in the park showed he really is a thoughtful, good guy.
It's just that now, he is doing it all for her, and that stings a little. But all the time you spend wondering about their relationship, you could be out living your life and maybe stumbling across your next love.
Hate or jealousy isn't an effective use of anyone's time, and it is emotionally draining. Plus, you're not really the insecure ex. Social media just temporarily derailed you and let those thoughts take you captive.
Look in the mirror, throw on some red lipstick and say f*ck it. Everything happens for a reason. Once time has passed, you may even be thankful that he found someone to love him and bring him happiness.
Remember your ex's new bae is innocent. You can't hate on her for loving your ex. Whether she is smart, stupid, ugly or beautiful, she hasn't done anything wrong.
Let's be honest, too: She's not really ugly. She is beautiful. She's just a girl who fell in love, and who can blame her for that?