Why It's So Important To Build Trust From A Strong Foundation
"Trust is like a mirror; you can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see the cracks in that motherf*cker's reflection." — Lady Gaga
A male in his early 20s, living by a Lady Gaga quote, might seem pretty unusual for some people, but I always liked the sentiment of these words.
I took away the idea that people can grow, but they grow because of their past decisions.
When a person breaks the trust you have between the two of you, it's heartbreaking.
Guy, girl, boyfriend or best friend, you feel like you've been violated because of your personal decisions.
You've let this person into your circle of trust, and he or she went out of his or her way to make you feel like that was a terrible idea. But, you can pick up the pieces and put the trust back together.
Some people say you should forgive and forget, but sometimes it's just impossible to forget what the person has done to you. You'll always see the cracks in that motherf*cker's reflection.
I know people who have a scorched-earth policy. When the trust is broken, they are forever done with the guilty party.
But, I've always been a proponent of second chances. As much as you feel like some people don't deserve that second chance, you can always go out of your way to fix it.
Sometimes, you can't get all of the pieces off of the floor, but you still understand it's supposed to be a mirror.
I think about this quote a lot. More than I should, probably. As every day passes, it just seems to get more and more negative.
A mirror is so easily breakable to begin with; I wouldn't pick an object like that to represent my trust (even as a metaphor).
Trust isn't something you give to every person you meet, and it shouldn't be something so fragile.
I know a lot of people, but you better believe I don't trust a majority of those motherf*ckers.
Trust is something that should be cultivated over months, maybe even years. It should be something stronger than a mirror.
There should be a stronger, more constructive and more positive way to look at these relationships. But, this metaphor is a reflection for how easily we let people affect our day-to-day lives.
Some girl rejects you at a bar? "Oh no, all girls are like that! You just can't trust any of them. All they want is a free drink!" If you genuinely think that, I urge you to get rid of your phone, sign out of social media and get a grip on the fact life isn't built off of instant gratification.
You're building a house of cards on a windy day and blaming everything but yourself for being so goddamn stupid to try and build a house of cards on a windy f*cking day.
It seems pretty ridiculous when you realize what you've been doing. Trust isn't something that can be built in seconds.
You can't expect things from people you don't know. I'm not saying Lady Gaga caused all of this, but this quote is a reflection of our witless reactions. It's reinforcing the fact that's how things are.
And, I totally realize I'm investing a lot in this Lady Gaga quote. I concede it's ridiculous, but there are plenty of people like me who hear the quote and realize that's just how things are.
We all invest in the idea we've been subconsciously perpetuating, and we get swallowed in the debt of our own foolish decisions.
Every time you break the mirror, it's harder to pick up. The pieces are sharp, jagged and jaded, like we've all become.
After putting the pieces back together time after time, we just can fix it anymore. It hurts too much to pick up those little pieces of glass that were once a wholly functioning object.
So, let's f*cking scrap that idea. Let's throw the mirror out of the window and let it break because trust is something stronger than that. Trust isn't broken; it changes.
The person who "broke" it may not be part of it anymore, but he or she has forever changed the way you will willingly trust someone.
I'm suggesting you should stop trusting people. But, when you see a red flag come up in your life time after time, you should realize it's not worth picking up those pieces anymore.
You should be getting new pieces and making something new. The broken trust doesn't just change the relationship; it changes you as a person. You can't deny that.
If trust is built, then let's grab some sh*t you can build with. That's right, I'm talking about motherf*cking Lego bricks.
This probably seems ridiculous and even childish. Lego bricks? Yep! I'm sure we've all had positive experiences with Lego.
When we started, we stuck with the directions. We weren't exactly sure what to do with the things, and we needed some guidance.
Things came out exactly how we expected them to, and that was always a pretty great feeling.
But, you hit a point when you want to build your own thing. You don't want people to tell you how to put it together, and you have enough of your own bricks now.
You can make something cool and original. Let's be honest, though: It looked pretty lame, but it still looked like an airplane to you.
Even if no one else could see it, it felt so real. I could be your first relationship, maybe.
People say you aren't really in love because you don't know what love is. But, that first love is your airplane, and that's as real as it gets. (Even if it truly was poorly made.) You see other airplanes.
You realize it really wasn't the most amazing thing in the world, and you decided to deconstruct it. It didn't hurt that badly, and you didn't use that many pieces anyway.
It didn't take too long to put it together, and there weren't too many details you could really invest in.
So, you understand more about life, or for the sake of the metaphor, you have more bricks to build with.
Things take longer to put together, and they get more complicated. But, you still pick up the pieces you used in your first little airplane — that first love — and you use that with the new pieces you have.
You build something even better, something even cooler. The other people in your life begin to see you've invested a little more into this, and it's put together with more knowledge and care.
You made a pirate ship this time! Those are pretty cool, and not everyone is building a pirate ship.
But eventually, you make a mistake. You get a little careless, and it breaks.
It hurts just a bit more because you invested more time into it, and we don't have forever to figure this sh*t out.
Time goes on. You get some more pieces, and you understand more about life. You understand more about the people in the life you've built.
You carefully pick the pieces you use whenever you start to build something new, and maybe you stopped using the pieces from the little airplane.
Maybe you don't even remember it now, but it will forever be the first step on the road you took.
Even though it was a failure, you wouldn't be building these wonderful and healthy relationships today without it.
You start to see where bricks shouldn't be fitting, and you understand what pieces make them stronger.
Tearing down bricks and stripping the pieces of something more complex is tough.
Sometimes, pieces are so stuck together you need to use tools to pry them apart.
You invested so much into building that thing, it was nearly impossible to pick it apart.
The next time you build something, you end up dropping it. People make mistakes, and no one is perfect. But this time?
Maybe a couple of pieces break off. It's frustrating, sure, but you built that trust to be strong.
You were careful when you were putting it together, and you took the time you needed to make it strong.
Don't get me wrong; it will always be fun to build tiny things. It's always good to have a friend you just see on Sundays to play tennis.
It's okay to have friends you only see when you go out drinking. It doesn't take many Lego bricks to build something like that, and it doesn't hurt when you have to take them apart.
You shouldn't trust every single person in your life in a way that breaks your mirror. Sh*t, you shouldn't trust most people you meet.
But when you start building your trust like Lego bricks, you'll realize early on when the pieces just aren't going to fit together.
Then, you can move on to building something better.