A little while ago, I went out with some former college friends to have some drinks after not seeing each other for two years. We were laughing about everything, until I noticed my friend Stacy* was texting someone with her own name.
“Hey, why are you texting your own name?” I asked.
“I'm not. I'm actually texting my boyfriend. We exchanged SIM cards,” she said. I began wondering, "Why on earth did she do that?"
So, thinking about the lack of trust they exhibited in their relationship, I began analyzing my own past relationships. What I came to realize was my old relationships also lacked this same sense of maturity.
Hindsight is annoying, isn't it? So, here are eight signs you're being the immature one in a relationship:
1. You exchange phones and/or SIM cards.
Just as Stacy did, exchanging SIM cards is obviously immature. Trust is the number one thing in a relationship. If you trust your partner enough, you wouldn't have to exchange phone numbers and SIM cards just to make sure you're the only one in it.
If he's cheating on you, you'll know it. You will also know you'll have to leave.
2. You consider cheating to be a pastime.
The mere fact you have someone as your "backup" in the event you break up with your boyfriend is already considered cheating. I mean, why would you be talking to anyone else simply because your partner isn't available during certain moments?
If you talk to other people and pretend you don't have a significant other or you still talk to your ex, then you are cheating. If you start deleting text messages to prevent yourself from getting caught, then that gesture already displays infidelity.
If you cheat on your partner, that simply indicates you are not willing to invest all of your time to him or her because you still want to search for another. Since you still search for another, then you still aren't serious about the relationship.
Mature relationships come from two serious people more than willing to end up together until eternity. If you still consider cheating as a pastime when he or she's not around, then you're being immature.
Respect your partner enough to leave that relationship immediately, especially if he or she is up for a serious one. You're not just hurting the other person, but you're also downgrading yourself to the lowest form of self-disrespect.
3. You nag about little things.
Confrontations are good in relationships. It's not the argument that makes the couple stronger, but the makeups right after. What makes it immature is when you nag about simple things.
When you still nag about simple things, you're only showing the lowest side of your personality without taking things into consideration. You're exuding selfishness in the relationship.
If you did not get that last pizza slice because your boyfriend took it and you argued about why he ate it when you're the one who bought it, then you're being immature. It's unnecessary and a total turnoff.
4. You nag and scandalize in public.
This is self-explanatory. Who, in a matured relationship, nags and scandalizes situations in public if you can talk it out with a heart-to-heart? Patching things up require a four to five hour deep conversation, not a 12-minute shouting match.
5. You post all of your arguments on social media.
Posting the amazing things you do with your SO on social media is a good thing. But, not everything on social media should to be posted, especially if that includes all your “I hate yous” and “We're throughs.” If you post them and get feedback like, “Oh, you did a great thing by breaking up with him,” and you get back together after a day or two, then you're being immature.
It will also make you look stupid and pathetic if you post screenshots of your SO and his cheating with people's names included on it to embarrass him or her. Never compromise your self-respect for vengeance and validations.
People may comment with, “I'm sorry you broke up,” or “You'll get over it soon. You're a beautiful woman,” but you still won't really know what's in the back of their minds.
Truthfully, what's behind those comments are laughters of distress. Your situation for the audience appears to be downright comical, and you become pathetic and desperate for that.
Arguments between couples are meant to be fixed by the couples themselves, not by the opinions of your followers online. It should always be kept private for the sake of privacy and respect of both parties.
Although you shouldn't care what other people think, don't give them reasons judge you. Judgments are based on the things you give them.
6. You get mad when you don't get what you want.
We all get into relationships because we are happy being with someone. Either we're happy being with him or her, or we feel content by that person's presence. These healthy relationships include mutual understandings of our needs.
If, for example, you get cranky because he wants to watch his favorite Netflix show and not yours, then think twice about how you're acting up. Assess yourself.
Don't expect to get whatever you want, especially if he can't give you it to you every time. You can't get everything you want in life. So, work hard for it instead.
7. You demand occasional gifts.
Demanding your partner to express his affection through physical gifts is a complete no-no. Often, our partners exude generosity to buy us the things that can make up our bad hair days. They can even walk miles and miles just to buy us a $5 ice cream to lighten up our mood.
Obviously, demanding your partner to do so is an immature thing to do. Just wait for your partner to surprise you. Pressuring your partner only makes him lose interest.
8. You do the exact thing your ex did to the person you're currently dating.
It's inevitable for some women to get traumatized after they are hurt by douchebags. Sometimes, hurting their partners first is what they feel like doing before they get hurt the same way twice. When you find yourself inflicting the pain upon your new partner, or you find yourself hurting him because he has hurt you, then you are being immature in your relationship.
Like this old quote circulating on Facebook says,
The true mark of maturity is when somebody hurts you and you try to understand their situation instead of trying to hurt them back.
The thought goes that way, but if you find yourself doing so otherwise, then you're not just being unfair to yourself, but also to your partner. If vengeance is what you aim to do just because a previous lover had hurt you, then you are only depriving yourself from finding the right guy.
Childishness boils down to immaturity. Unlike fruits that are often forced to ripen, maturity shouldn't be coerced. Figure out what you're doing wrong and correct your actions.
If you ever feel like you possess immaturity not just in your relationship, but also in general, change. Change is inevitable, but you have to start with the right way of thinking before proceeding.
Maturity must evolve deep within you before you apply it in your relationships. Although it's a long process, the time it will take is worth it.
If you don't give yourself a chance to grow up, you'll be missing half of the good things life has to offer when you already know better. Start reading between the lines, and know the things you should understand and the things you should start avoiding. It will never be easy, but it will be worth it.
*Name has been changed.