Love Me? Then Lick Me: If He Doesn't Go Down, Don't Keep Him Around

by Gigi Engle

On a scale from 1 to really f*cking important, I'd say sexual gratification is pretty high up there on the list.

It's crucial that both partners in any relationship be satisfied to the best of each of their partners' abilities.

Sure, love is the most important thing but that does not negate the need for sex. We're human beings. We're sexual creatures. We need sex.

Now, at the crux of all sexual acts is intercourse. While this may true, and we may first and foremost engage in sex for the biological need to reproduce, we must not neglect other sex acts that are also highly salient in the arena of pleasure.

I'm referring to oral sex.

I would venture to argue that oral sex is actually more personal than actual intercourse.

It's an act that is devoted solely to one partner's pleasure. It's an activity that is giving of oneself for the orgasmic fulfillment of another. Isn't that just pure, unadulterated romance right there?

In all honesty, I'm not going to be with a man who isn't into giving me a one-way ticket to Pleasure Downtown.

I'm not going to waste my time with a dude who doesn't genuinely enjoy cunnilingus. I don't want a boyfriend who isn't the first to suggest visiting the little man in the boat.

If you loved me, you'd lick me. Plain and simple.

If you want an intimate relationship, you should want to go down on me because that's the most intimate sexual act there is.

You should want your face right in the core of my sexuality. It shouldn't even be a chore, it should be a f*cking turn on.

Ladies, if he doesn't go down, don't keep him around.

My body is a goddamn temple.

So, get on your knees and pray. You should love every inch of me. A man should want to worship my body and make it feel as good as possible. Sex is for the both of us, as partners.

We both want to be satisfied. My body is not merely here for you to seize on top of it until you've gotten off; it is here to be equally as pleasured. The right guy will acknowledge this importance and act accordingly.

It's a great way to get me ready for the D.

When it comes to muff diving, you're really doing us both a favor. It will get me off while also getting me super ready for all that penetration that is sure to follow.

I'm going to be 100 percent down to pound afterward. So, it benefits you in the long run.

The last thing any girl wants is insufficient foreplay followed by something being uncomfortably shoved inside of her tender lady bits.

To put it politely: Have some class and get your face between my thighs.

Thanks, kisses!

I need clitoral action to get off.

In most cases women REQUIRE (read: not just want, but REQUIRE) clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm.

Getting that kind of necessary fire burning through intercourse alone can be problematic.

I'm not about to let my love-button go unattended. Sure, your fingers are great too, but we girls need the mouth action.

It's a time for us to sit back, relax and enjoy the ride.

We can focus on our much-needed concentration so that we can get where we need to be.

The last thing I need is to be self-conscious about my vagina.

Women are already self-conscious about enough things to have to also worry about their vaginas.

Do you think it makes me want to be intimate and vulnerable with you if you are repulsed by my downstairs?

I don't want to feel like there is something wrong with my womanly parts, the parts bestowed upon me by the heavens above (or some sh*t).

I don't think you have any right to negatively judge me for them.

This is mostly because that is completely insane and highly reflective of your personal insecurities with the female body.

If you have a problem with my vagina, we clearly are not well suited.

I won't even be with a man who just PUTS UP with oral sex. I only want to be with a guy who thoroughly ENJOYS it and VOLUNTEERS it regularly.

If you aren't down to go down, OK cool, it's not everyone's cup of tea (I guess), but you certainly aren't going to be in a relationship with me… or any sexually-attuned female, for that matter.

I'm not giving up oral sex for you.

No guy is ever going to be worth abstaining from oral sex. It's truly too magnificent a thing ever to go without.

It's the best feeling thing out there that is actually GOOD for you.

If you don't want to go down on me, our sex life is going to wind up being very boring for the both of us.

I won't be happy, I'll be much less inclined to have sex with you and, therefore, you'll be unhappy, too.

Oral sex is a key factor in a healthy sex life. I'm not trying to be with a guy who doesn't feel the same way.

I love getting eaten out and you should love eating me out. If we have my pussy in common, we'll be on the right track.

It should make you feel good to make me feel good.

A gentleman gladly goes downtown without complaint. They say nice guys finish last.

You bet your ass they do! A nice guy lets his girl get off before he dares to spew his baby juice.

A real man thinks it's the ultimate aphrodisiac to get a girl wet, let alone make her climax.

Personally, I expect a man to be as hard as Superman's pecks when he's finished down there.

A guy who is worth your time will think that it's your pleasure that matters most. Only after you've gotten yours will he finally expel his lust puddle.

If you won't, I certainly won't.

I guess what it really all comes down to is the fact that you really have to give some to get some, amiright?!

If you're not going to dive headfirst into my honeypot, you can be sure as sh*t I'm not about to deep throat your love gun.

So, basically you're giving up blowjobs if I'm giving up cunnilingus. Fun or nah?

What happens then? We just poke a lot and engage in no other form of sexual activity?

I think I'm going to take a hard pass on that one.