How To Tell If It's Your Fault Your Relationships Keep Failing

by Aitana Cardoso

Do you ever wonder if your relationship fails are your fault, or the other person's?

When you're sitting at home eating pizza and feeling heartbroken, it's easy to blame yourself.

And sometimes you should.

Here's how to know if it's you or them.

1. Try to see the situation through their eyes.

In a relationship, one person's experience can differ tremendously from the other's.

Say you go out partying with your friends while your significant other stays at home. You might have a terrific, A+ time... but maybe your SO is at home feeling worried or concerned for your safety.

Before you blame anyone, think about what the other person went through, or how they perceived the situation. They may not have the same point of view as you.

2. Remember it's almost never 100 percent one person's fault.

Maybe you're thinking, "Well, you're not in my home. How do you know who is at fault, Mr. Expert my ass?"

Resentment builds up when there is an imbalance in the relationship.

A stable, loving relationship is a partnership of equals. Avoid Alpha Male mentality, or 1967 "I'm the woman and I do as  I'm told mentality."

Guys and girls are equally capable of making the bed, vacuuming, taking out the trash, cooking. That much is obvious.

Take turns. Give, share and appreciate each other. Obviously this applies in the bedroom as well.

3. Figure out if you are (or were) unhappy in the relationship, or just unhappy overall.

Calling someone out on bad behavior is a skill.

Are you accusing them of doing everything wrong without giving them opportunities to treat you? Are you putting them in a lose-lose situation?

Is it you who is unhappy, or are they making you unhappy?

Remember they have a life too. Just because you're joined at the hip doesn't mean they should still have their own interests and friends.

Also remember your SO can't read your mind, even if you're in a long-term relationship.

Which leads me on to my next point...

4. Stop stonewalling your partner.

Listen to them.

Poor communication leads to barriers. If you don't listen to each other when you argue, you'll never resolve your differences.

Don't assume you know the best for your partner or your relationship. You're in this together, remember.

5. Stop ass-u-ming the worst about your bae.

Have wholesome, constructive arguments with bae. Don't assume you're NOT part of the problem.

In short, listen to what the other person has to say. Stop repeating yourself. Let them make their points.


There's no need to demand Instagram and Facebook passwords from your partner. Your partner shouldn't ask you for your passwords, either.

Your life belongs to you. Trust me, having access to his/her iMessage is going to do you NO GOOD. Big Girlfriend should not always be watching. 

Set a standard of respect at the start of a relationship.

You are not in the FBI. There is no reason you should go all Sherlock Holmes on your partner. They don't necessarily need to know where you are 24/7.

At the end of the day, a relationship requires you to follow your pride and respect the other person. We date people by choice and out of love. No matter how many fights or speculations or challenges there are, you must remember that.