News flash: Brushing your lips against the lips of someone you find attractive is super fun. The blood-pumping anticipation that precedes a makeout session is chock-full of nerves and giddiness. But if you haven’t explored those waters yet, or you’ve ventured into the more "advanced" aspects of sex and foreplay, here’s a refresher on the spine-tingling and yet oh-so-simple pleasures of an extended lip-lock.
San Diego–based sex and intimacy coach Tari Mannello, however, says the power of a good kiss should never be forgotten. “Many people — especially many of my woman clients — love kissing because it creates closeness,” Mannello tells Elite Daily.
Plus, making out is a great way to test the sexual chemistry with someone right off the bat. It's pretty safe to assume that a great kisser is probably great at a whole lotta' other things, too.
And while many of us think of ourselves as kissing experts, what do we really know about how to make out? Do we really know how to seal the deal and leave a lasting impression — with only our lips and tongue? As with most things, there is no golden rule that automatically makes a person a world-class kisser. But with the right mix of playfulness, receptibility, curiosity, and heat, a makeout session will instantly rise in the ranks.
“There are a few ways of kissing where it seems like people never learned the default, good, juicy way of doing it,” Mannello says. “Repetitive, traditional peck kissing for example, is not a makeout session. That should just be used for sweet closeness and connecting. Then there’s people on the other end of the spectrum who think making out is shoving your tongue in another person’s mouth and swirling it around, no matter what you’ve eaten or where you’ve been, and that’s a little alarming too. The juicy spot is somewhere in between. It’s slow-moving.”
The kiss is a sweet, sacred, and super satisfying deed — when done right. And it deserves the same kind of TLC that you reserve for… well, everything else. Read on for the best ways to turn that forgettable makeout into an incredible makeout.
How Long Should A Makeout Last?
It depends on what you’re going for. Author and dating coach Susan Winter tells Elite Daily that if your date goes in for a "normal" kiss (i.e., not an extended makeout), this could be an indication of their long-term intentions.
"The partner who doesn't want to startle you but wants to establish romance as the basis for your connection will opt for a meaningful, yet potent kiss on the lips," Winter says. "If your goal is a relationship, don't dismiss a normal kiss."
If this kiss is a lead-in to sex or some kind of sexy play, let the kiss grow and evolve — but not forever. “[Your makeout] doesn’t need to be for minutes and minutes and minutes,” Mannello says. “We always talk about how women love a ton of foreplay, but I don’t believe that most women want 20 minutes of a tongue in their mouth non-stop. I don’t think anybody does! It’s about moments. And then you do other things, some touching, some looking, sexual tension building, some kissing other places.”
The takeaway: A makeout can be quick or long-lasting depending on what you’re going for. Great kissers know to intersperse their makeouts with other kinds of touching to keep themselves and their partners engaged.
How Can I Initiate A Makeout?
While the best makeouts sometimes just happen, others need a little set-up. Besides, going straight in for the kiss is not always how you want to play it. “If a makeout is the first thing that you’re always going for, it’s actually a little daunting to have someone’s face close to your face at the start of absolutely every sexual encounter,” Mannello says.
He recommends testing a partner’s interest with brief touches on the hand, arm, shoulder, or leg to see how they respond to your physical closeness. If they receive these subtle touches well — if they’re not scooting away, crossing their arms, or presenting any other standoffish body language — that’s a good time to slowly ease your way into a touch that lingers, and maybe a kiss on the mouth.
To make sure your smooch is more than a petty little peck? Mannello advises to keep things slow and connected, and to open your mouth softly and slightly as you approach. Oooh, spicy.
How Can I Improve A Makeout Sesh?
To take things from “blah” to “mwah,” it’s all about the little cues and the special touches, literally and figuratively. Mannello suggests talking through or trying a few things out with your partner to get the best sense of what really turns them on. Do they like a little eye contact while kissing? Sure, some people find the eyes-wide-shut approach to be a little freaky (in a bad way) but others might find it sweet or even erotic.
The most important thing to keep in mind when making out is to stay relaxed and to let yourself have fun with it. “I often teach that it’s not just about a kissing sound or a tongue-swirling,” Mannello says. “It’s exploring their bottom lip. Kissing their top lip. Sucking on the bottom lip. Looping back and forth. A soft, parted mouth and a receptive mouth without tension in your jaw. Those kinds of things make a makeout session exciting.”
So whether it’s the first of many or one in a long line of shared makeouts, the way we kiss has a major impact on our sexual relationships. From pecks to tongue, kissing builds closeness between partners and ensures that your sexual chemistry is more than just lip service. Now get snoggin’.
Tari Mannello, sex, intimacy, and relationship coach and founder of Closeness San Diego
Susan Winter, author and dating coach
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