How To Keep Your Relationship Exciting When The Passion Is Fading
Are you easily bored? Same. This spring, I did the Whole 30 (#humblebrag). It's a month-long, nutrition "reset" where sugar, dairy, carbs, and all the things that give me life were off-limits. Week one, I was impassioned about the healthful salmon, eggs, and sweet potato hash I was cooking, but by week three, looking at an avocado was like watching someone take a shot of Fireball. (Shivers.) I couldn't stay excited about a four-week diet, so if you're wondering how to keep your relationship exciting, don't worry, you're in good company. Humans are easily bored.
While relationship passion runs deeper than avocado passion (but I don't know, go to L.A. and report back), it's completely natural for the sparks that initially drew you and your partner together to fade over time. As you and your partner start to spend pretty much every waking (and non-waking) moment together, you have to deal with unsexy things, such as how to go #2 when you are on vacation together or whose turn it is to buy paper towels. Getting comfortable with each other is Relationship 101.
I've heard people say, "It's easy to mistake comfort for boredom," but I actually think they are one in the same. Comfort is a lovely security blanket, but it's also straight up boring. You're not wondering, Will they text me? because your partner is definitely going to text you (hopefully). This is comfortable, but inherently less exciting. However, you can mend the passion problem without ghosting your SO.
Elite Daily spoke to relationship and etiquette expert April Masini about little changes you can make to keep your relationship exciting.
1. Check Yourself Out
Don't get me wrong: You are a woman who should maintain your independence and dress for yourself, not just for your partner. That said, if you are looking to increase the passion in your relationship, getting a little dressed up for a date night or taking care of yourself with a new skincare regimen will make you feel good, and in turn, your partner will take notice of your glowing self as well.
"Your partner is going to be more attracted to you when you look and smell good than when you don't," says Masini. "Especially over the long run." Your partner will appreciate that you are "glowing up" because it shows that you feel good about yourself and that you still desire their attention. Get after those lash extensions, girl.
2. Revisit Your Bucket Lists
You know that hike you and your partner talked about doing together? Or that puppy you've always planned on adopting? Or just that restaurant you've been meaning to try? Do those things. Having a list of goals you want to accomplish or activities and trips you'd like to partake in is important.
"Make sure that you both have them, and that you're facilitating your separate and mutual bucket list goals," says Masini. "Forgetting about them indicates a loss of hope — and working towards them bonds you and creates the basis for passion."
Ask your partner what their goals for the rest of 2017 are, share yours, then cross off at least three each over a weekend. "Reorganize the hall closet" is just as legitimate a goal as "surfing in Panama."
3. Buy Yourself Some New Lingerie
Again, this should be more about you than bae. If your partner requested that you get new undies, tell them to eat it and wear granny panties in protest. You should be the one deciding to upgrade your lingerie sets.
"People take better care of their cars than they do their lingerie," says Masini. "You take your car in for brakes, oil and tire checks a few times a year — you should be refreshing your lingerie with the same frequency." She explains that new lingerie makes you feel better about yourself (it makes me feel sexy AF), and your partner will love the visual as well. Win-win.
4. Pay Attention To The Relationship
The first line of defense in a relationship that feels stale is simply noticing that the passion meter is going down. If your relationship starts to feel boring, "don't let it slide," says Masini. "When the passion fades, roll up your sleeves and go to work. It's important to show your partner that you're all in — especially if you're both not on the same page of passion."
I find it super sexy when someone goes out of their way to show up for me or show me that they care. If you notice things going from 100 to boring rapidly, do something — anything — to switch things up. Send bae their favorite lunch at work, or just stock the fridge with their favorite flavor of LaCroix and/or adult beverage. Little things can go a long way to saving the passion in your relationship.
Think about it like this: When you are in a fight with someone, and you both try to ignore it rather than fix the problem, usually that silence festers and the fight gets worse until both parties have no idea what they are even arguing about anymore. The same goes for passion. It's important to notice the lack of passion in your relationship, and then address it right away. Whether that's with Hanky Panky thongs, a pair of bucket list concert tickets, or a blowout, putting effort into you and your partners' happiness will lead to renewed passion in your relationship.
If these don't work, you could always just watch porn together. That counts as effort.