What happens in a guy’s mind when it clicks that you’re more than just a girl on the side? You want something more but you’re not getting the same feeling back. I’m not going to give you advice, I can’t tell you what to do.
Instead, I’m going to give you a peek into a guy’s motives and thoughts that go into picking a steady relationship. By doing this, you can have the knowledge to make your own decisions in your unique situation.
Just like guys trying to get out of the friend zone, girls are trying to get out of the side zone. I’m going to assume that you want the ‘elite’ type of guy. By elite, I mean successful, confident, driven and passionate. For the other types, it’s going to be very different. One of the key elements of this guy is he’s driven.
The cause of this drive is different for everyone. It’s what makes him successful, but also hard to hold on to. Most guys pursue their dream girl. He pursues his dream, and invites the girl to come along. One thing you must understand is that you won’t be able to force the elite into a relationship. They fight wholeheartedly against the force.
This concept will make it easier to understand: Attraction is not a choice, it’s triggered. No one just wakes up and says, “Jessica and Kate are both fun to be with. But I think I’ll start being more attracted to Kate now.” If you two have a thing going already then congrats, there’s probably already attraction there.
But you want more right? How do you evolve attraction to commitment? The elite guy knows he has options; this is another point that makes him so attractive to you.
For most elite guys, their career and lasting legacy takes precedence in life. The girls and money are the after effects. This doesn’t mean he won’t have someone who he deeply cares about and would lay down his life for. It just means his world is just not totally consumed with ‘finding the one’ like a lot of the betas are.
The elite guy is intelligent with his time and investments. This doesn’t mean just money. If he picks a partner then he’s sure she’s the best he thinks he can have. He doesn’t always pick the best investment…and sometimes he decides if he’s going to date you within the first few minutes of meeting you.
Don’t think you have to hook up with him right away to be likable. If he’s getting sex without a relationship, why would he ever commit? If he knows you are not putting out for just anyone then he may see you more than just a casual sexual option. Elite guys like to conquer, so being a challenge is great. But you are walking a very fine line.
He will only chase so much; you have to meet him halfway. He has too many other options to play around with a serial flirt. If a girl starts being too coy he won’t chase; just replace.
Love and attraction is so complicated and unpredictable, it’s almost impossible to give a solid answer. Example, Lindsey Vonn and Tiger Woods…seriously? But I do know that if you act like a side chick, he’s going to treat you like a side chick. What’s the difference between the side chick and his girlfriend? He gets his preferred self out of one of them.
What does this mean? People show different parts of themselves around different people. You are a slightly different person around your grandmother than your best friend or your boyfriend.
These people bring out different versions of you. Your top guy is the one that brings out the part of yourself you like the best. A guy’s top girl brings out his best self. He can see his best self in you, if you are highlight it in them. If you derive all validation from him, it will only drain his energy.
You know most guys run far, far away from the emotionally needy type. Which part of himself are you bringing out in him: The player or the boyfriend?
Milan Dekich | Elite.