How To Get Over Losing Your Best Friend You Dated
Getting over a breakup with someone you really loved is difficult. But getting over a breakup with someone you considered your best friend is even worse. The question after that isn't how to get over your partner; it's how to get over your best friend.
In an OK relationship, you feel like you and your partner are generally on the same page and that the two of you have a good time together. You probably spend most evenings and weekends together, and you enjoy doing things with each other. In an awesome relationship, though, it's all of those things and even more. Not only are the two of you generally on the same page, but you are always thinking the exact same things. You not only have a good time together, but you love being together. And all of the time you spend together makes you realize again and again that they are truly your best friend.
When one of these awesome relationships ends, it can be very heartbreaking. You not only have to learn how to get along without your partner, but now, it feels like you've lost your best friend, too. Fear not, though. It may not feel like it now, but you will get over this. Here are some tips on dealing with losing your best friend:
1. Spend Some Time Alone
First and foremost, get away from everyone — your ex, friends, families, co-workers, pets. (OK, not pets, they are awesome breakup buddies.)
But seriously, you need to spend some time in your own head processing what happened in order to be OK moving forward. Hanging out with anyone right now is just going to make you want to talk about it, which isn't a good idea until you know exactly how you feel.
And anyway, everyone knows the first phase of a breakup is sleeping all the time, eating all the time, and crying all the time. Give yourself room to let these emotions out before you do anything else.
2. Respect Their Decision
The next thing you can do to help yourself move on from your breakup is — and this is key! — accept it. When you breakup with someone who was a best friend, it may seem natural to want to talk them into changing their mind. After all, you two were friends as well as lovers, so it makes sense that you'd think you can talk about things in a different way.
DON'T. DO. IT.
Resist the urge to be that person who's calling and texting their ex trying to explain to them why they were wrong for ending the relationship. Instead, take whatever time you need to accept it, and then actually accept it.
3. Consider That They May Not Have Been Your Bestie
This one is going to be tough, especially if you are still in the throes of mourning, but consider this: Maybe they weren't your best friend. I know, right now, you think I'm being blasphemous and that no one could ever compare to your bestie, but the truth is, they were probably at least partially a bestie because you loved them.
In an intimate relationship, it's natural to share things with your partner and do things you wouldn't do with other people. Although it feels like you really lost the one person in the world who understood you, chances are, you didn't, and you still have lots of people who love and care about you.
4. Hang Out With Other Friends
On that note, a really important thing you can do to get over the breakup is to hang out with other friends. Remind yourself that even though you think you just lost your best friend, you have lots and lots of other friends who are super cool in their own right. In fact, while in your relationship, you may have even let some of those friendships slide.
Now is a great time to reconnect with them and get back to the relationships you once knew and loved. Your friends might be a little pissed they haven't seen you since you've been attached (I mean, oh well), but they'll get over it, and you'll get over your breakup faster with their help.
5. Focus On Hobbies You Used To Do Solo
When you're in a relationship with your best friend, the two of you may start doing everything together. You may adopt each other's hobbies, and you may have even picked up new hobbies together. After the breakup, the worst thing to do is to try doing the things the two of you used to do together by yourself.
Instead, sit down and think about the stuff you really liked to do before you were in a relationship with them. It's likely you have some activities you liked to keep totally to yourself. It could be as simple as journaling, or maybe there was a CrossFit box you liked that your partner was never into. Whatever it was, now is the perfect time to get back into it.
6. Ditch The Social Media Stalking
While it will be incredibly tempting to stalk your ex on social media, just to, you know, "check in," don't do it. Seeing anything they are doing will throw you back into the worst feelings about your breakup.
If they look like they're having a great time (and who doesn't on social media?), you'll be super depressed, wondering why they aren't super depressed over you, too. If they look like they're not happy (unlikely), you may be tempted to reach out, which will start the whole cycle over.
Repeat after me: "Nothing good will come from stalking my ex on social media." Now, just say that to yourself another 100 times, and we'll be good.
7. Make Sure Mutual Friends Know It's Over
Whatever else you do, make sure your mutual friends know it's over. It would be pretty awful to finally be feeling good about your breakup (after you followed all the tips on this list, of course) and then run into mutual friends who ask you about your former flame.
However you do it, let your mutual friends know the two of you are no longer together. Especially in relationships where you were best friends, it's likely the two of you also formed a close friend circle together. Making sure those people know that the ties are cut will be critical to getting over the breakup.
Everyone knows breakups are terrible, especially breakups with someone who truly felt like they were your best friend. Even though it might not feel like it now, though, you will get over this, and you'll soon start to move on.
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