I have a confession: I have a major crush on someone, even though I recently found out he has a girlfriend. My crush doesn't live in the same city as me, and he's probably going to get engaged soon. We don't even text, but when I see a picture of his cute little face on the internet, I get these weird butterflies that send me all the way back to fourth grade when all the girls in my class had crushes on the same two boys and we called them "Green" and "Blue." (I liked "Blue," who is also now engaged.)
Spoiler alert: My crush is Oscar Isaac. However, I also had a real life crush that met the same criteria as Oscar (except the movie star/epically handsome part) for, well, too long. It took me forever to get over my crush. I'm finally (almost) there. Here's how to get over a crush, according to me and dating expert and relationship columnist Jen Kirsch.
Unfollow Them On The Internet
I cannot stress this enough. I did not truly get over my big crush until I unfollowed him on Instagram and Snapchat. Seeing what he and his girlfriend were up to only made me feel sad and inadequate, and who's got time for a picture to upset them when the world is actually going up in flames?
Kirsch says this is a good move because each post your crush posts will be triggering. "To gain control of not being affected by their actions, whereabouts et al, either unfollow them, delete them, or use the special features on apps to remove them from popping up on your feeds," she explains.
Facebook and LinkedIn can stay, but unless your crush has that torturous (and somewhat narcissistic) app where you are alerted as to who unfollows you on Instagram, they probably won't even realize you are no longer following. They will still be able to like all of your pictures (and he still will). Plus, you can always be like "oops" if they ever notice.
Before I unfollowed my crush, I kept saying that I didn't want to seem "immature" by doing so. He wasn't a co-worker crush who had no idea that I liked him; he was someone I dated and couldn't get over. Continuing to follow him was actually just another way that I was putting his needs over of mine.
Distract Yourself With Someone New
There are more apps than you can count on my fingers to help you find a new person to have a crush on, so use them. Or go to that yoga class taught by that super good-looking person. Or ring up an old flame. Whatever you do, distracting yourself by meeting new people is a great way to make less room in your brain for thinking about your crush.
"Being out with your buds and putting the idea of someone out of mind will allow you to attract like-minded mates," explains Kirsch. So grab your friends and cruise for humans who will treat you better than your crush, even if just for one night.
Get Real With Yourself
Crushes can be truly crushing, but if you think back to your middle school dreamboat, I guarantee you'll have a hard time wondering why you were a literal psycho — like, saved the chewed-on pens they let you borrow — for them. Google your crush now and you'll probably find their weird Trump-adjacent Facebook posts and feel the opposite of lusty.
You'll get over this crush, too: You liked a person, but it didn't work out. It's a bummer, but it's not forever.
"We tend to give our feelings, thoughts, attention, and selves away way too easily these days," explains Kirsch. "This is a result of how accessible everybody is at all times. The person who cares about establishing a real relationship with you will make time to meet you in real life."
If you made an effort with your crush and they didn't reciprocate, that's honestly a great look for you, and a mediocre look for them. You put yourself out there, now continue valuing yourself and move on to the next crush. If you didn't make your move and you noticed that they are now in a relationship? Next time, you'll put yourself out there.
The main piece of advice that I can give is to calm down a little. Let things go. It's so much easier said than done, but if you take the concrete steps to getting over a crush that are within your power, your whole outlook is going to change. Take them off of your feed, put new babes into your calendar for drinks, and remind yourself that crushes are passing... even if they take a year to disappear. I feel like it was just January — you're going to be over them in no time.