What You Need To Realize Before You Can Get Over An Almost Relationship
It is important to find out what you like and what you don't like.
Dating multiple people can be fun. Hooking up with different people can be fun -- except of course when one of you catches feelings.
This happens a lot today because we all are a part of this generation that has all of these rules. If you aren't official, then you don't have a right to get mad, disappointed or heartbroken.
Well, let me be the first to say that is bullshit. You have the right to honest reactions and feelings, whatever they may be.
I've been in plenty of almost relationships that involved dates, hanging out, sex, meeting friends and communicating on a regular basis. But, I'm not allowed to call that guy my boyfriend. But, that guy who became my official "boyfriend" over AOL Instant Messenger in seventh grade, that's my ex boyfriend? LOL.
When an exclusive relationship ends, no matter how hard it is to move on, there is usually at least one clear reason that determined the parting of ways. But, in my opinion, the almost relationship, which can often end for no apparent reason, sucks more than an exclusive relationship not working out because there isn't a clear reason it didn't work out.
Whether or not it was timing, someone getting scared of getting too close or no reason at all, it can be pretty damn frustrating and confusing as fuck.
You have the unwritten rules telling you to get over your almost relationship. If you aren't in a committed relationship, then he doesn't owe you an explanation. You shouldn't contact the other person to get answers because then you might look "crazy," a description thrown around far too often, especially with females, without a second thought.
I've had this attitude with many of my almost relationships, and in my experience, it can hurt you in the long run. Wanting to get over it and actually getting over it are two very different things.
If you allow society's point of view to determine your way of thinking and simply tell yourself you're over it, you are hurting yourself. Relationships are not defined by anyone other than the people inside the relationship, however exclusive or non-exclusive that relationship may be.
It is possible for you to have more passion in a consistent undefined hookup than in a boring one-year defined relationship. Being in a committed relationship doesn't always mean there is commitment.
There is cheating, which isn't always physical. Emotional cheating is very real, and it's one of the most common things I see happen with my peers.
What was real for you might not be real for someone else. Maybe you were one of many for him, but he was the only person you were with and the only person you were talking to. When it ended, perhaps he acted as if nothing happened, and maybe for him nothing did.
You need to forgive and let go of your disappointment. You didn't get the chance to explore things further. Maybe you didn't end things on a good or clear note.
What's done is done, but that doesn't change the fact those feelings you had for him were exciting. Hope to find that again some day. You should forgive him for you. Move on for you.
You can't compare yourself to other relationships. Your relationships are your relationships.
Don't confine your solution into your perception of someone else's relationship or way of thinking. Rushing yourself to get over the relationship only prolongs the process.
It stays with you while you tirelessly question everything.
Let yourself be sad. Allow yourself to be fucking pissed. Speak your mind and bring up your concerns to the other person you're seeing but not "exclusive" with.
Do it in a rational and sober manner. Do it during the daylight hours. Maybe he or she just isn't that into you, but figure that out for yourself and have whatever feelings you want.
Allow yourself to feel what you want.
This article was originally published on the author's personal blog.