Letting go of someone is a scary feat to tackle. I’ve spent much time observing why people stay in relationships or handle break ups so terribly. It’s unfortunate I have to admit that I’ve seen many more unhappy and ill-fitting relationships than I have otherwise. This is why I can’t imagine the soul-freeing break up to be so devastating.
In reality, humans are emotional creatures. This statement includes men, no matter how emotionally deficient they appear to be. We all fall for the wrong one at least once in our lives and when the levee breaks, we let it consume us.
There are many reasons why even couples who clearly shouldn’t have been together, can suffer from the break up. It’s possible that the two weren’t on the same level of understanding or commitment. There are plenty of ways to interpret the meaning of a relationship and unless it’s communicated properly, one of you will most likely be horribly blind-sighted later on.
It could be the unsettling and selfish fear of them finding someone better. I know a handful of girls, and even some guys, who have stayed in a relationship because they don’t want their significant other finding someone else. It’s not because they want to keep their significant other under lock and key because they feel as if they’ve struck gold. It’s because they don’t want to feel like failures while their significant other goes out and possibly succeeds in the dating world. That makes us question ourselves, “Well, why didn’t it work with me?” Unless you’re ready to seriously ponder that question as an adult, do not dwell on it.
What I find to be the most common is that now you’re back to square one, you’re alone. You don’t have that safety blanket; nobody to call when you’re bored or sad. They aren’t there to accompany you in uncomfortable situations or to be your date for special occasions. Now you have to re-learn how to live as a human being without the extra limb. You have to learn how to be comfortable in your own skin and you have to do it by yourself.
You’re also put back into the single world. Although it is a beautiful and majestic place, straight out of a relationship it can be the equivalent to the Department of Motor Vehicles: pushy people, frustration and long waiting periods. Depending on how long you’ve been out of the game, this could be a nightmare. I have that problem now after recently splitting with my boyfriend of almost three years and I seem only to appeal to creeps. If anyone else has this problem, you are not alone and stay strong.
It is important to accept one of two truths, if not both when letting go of someone whether it’s a boyfriend, girlfriend or just a friend. Let’s be honest, break-ups between friends can be much more catastrophic than intimate relationships.
One is that you are confident that you gave the relationship your all. You exercised all efforts in giving this person every fiber of your being, so even in the event of a break up, you aren’t left feeling regretful. There is no second guessing if you could have done something more to salvage the union and beating yourself up over it. Sometimes things just don’t work or weren’t meant to be and it doesn’t have to be anyone’s fault. Take what you can out of the experience and appreciate the memories.
The second truth is that the other person didn’t want to give any more of their all. That stings and I know it does, but it hurts less than possibly being treated like dirt later on. In my opinion, the only thing that feels worse than being cheated on is being dated out of pity. Thus meaning your significant other was too much of a chicken sh*t to let you know they’ve mentally checked out of dating you and is sparing themselves, and not you, the theatrics.
You can’t change anyone who doesn’t want to change and you can’t make someone do something unwillingly. Even if they did want to change, it isn’t your job or your responsibility to do it for them. If this is the case, count your lucky stars for the break up and be thankful you got out when you did. Nobody deserves anyone who doesn’t at least wholeheartedly care about them. Not me, not you and not even the dumbass that you were dating.
It takes a lot of energy and time to break the routine of a relationship as well as the overall attachment you have to that person; that attachment is perfectly warranted and most of the time inevitable. Life can seem unbearable during this period because “everything” we knew is now gone. In reality, this isn’t everything you’ve ever known so you need to take a step back from the ledge and tone down the dramatics.
You lived before you loved and you’ll live after you’ve loved. Believe it or not, you’ll move on and love again. This doesn’t mean you have to stop loving them either, but you do need to move on so someone more deserving of your love can come along and seize the opportunity that is you.
I’m a firm believer in fairness because girls can destroy boys just as easily as boys can destroy girls. My ex-boyfriend calls me a truck driver because I ran over his heart with an 18-wheeler. Is it a clever label? Absolutely. Am I proud of it? Most certainly not. But, we let each other go as a potential romantic interest and we’ve been the best of friends ever since.
I’m not encouraging anyone to go out right this moment and find a life partner, but if you’re actively pursuing a relationship with someone, you need to give enough of a sh*t to make it work. Don’t half ass it because you’re wasting everyone’s time.
If life hasn’t taught us anything else, it has taught us that time is precious. So even if you end up spending a lot of that time alone, do whatever it takes to enjoy it.
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