If You Haven't Heard From Your Date For This Long, It's Safe To Say You Were Ghosted

by Alison Segel

Recently, a guy I went on a date with THREE MONTHS AGO texted me saying, "Hey, sorry it's been so long since we've talked." I mean, he had a lot of nerve to hit me up like that. I certainly never thought I would hear from this person again, yet there he was, several months later, asking me out. It's hard to know if you've been ghosted or if you should expect your date to hit you up any minute. I mean, how long should you wait for that text to come after a date?

Of course, you should be living a full and busy life and never be waiting by the phone, hoping for someone to text or call. But when you've gone out with someone and felt a connection, of course you want them to contact you so you can see them again. When your phone beeps, you hope it's them. When it's not, you get bummed. After a few days, you question whether or not the fantasy you created in your head is over. How long should you hold on to it before you put it to rest for good?

So, in my opinion, here is how you can tell if you've been ghosted after a date and how long you should wait to hear from someone before you give up on the chances of a relationship with them.

1. If It's Been Three Days, There's Still Some Hope

Some people try to play hard to get when it comes to dating. They don't want to come off too thirsty or desperate, so they'll wait it out after a first meeting before contacting you again. If you go out on a Wednesday, maybe you'll hear from them on Friday, asking what you're up to that weekend. Is that an ideal way to communicate with someone you like? Absolutely not. But in the digital dating era, not everyone has the best emotional vulnerability and confidence when it comes to romance.

So if it takes your crush a few days to circle back with you after your first date, don't get too nervous, and don't write them off just yet. However, if they're consistently flaky in the texting department, then this probably isn't someone who is looking for a relationship.

2. After A Week, It's Not Looking Good

Kylah Benes-Trapp/Shutterstock

If you still haven't been contacted a week after your date, then, assuming this person doesn't have some grand excuse, it's looking like you might not be contacted at all. Unless your date went on a business trip, is out of town, or had some other family emergency, then most likely, they are not down for date two.

In an ideal world, someone will text or call you immediately after you go out with them, letting you know they had a good time and asking when they can see you again. They might wait a day or two if they don't want to come on too strong or if dating makes them nervous. But if a week goes by and you've heard nothing, then this is someone who is likely just not interested. And if you do end up hearing from them, it's most likely because they are dating several people at once, and today happens to be your turn. Time to stop responding yourself. You deserve better.

3. After A Month, You're Done For

If someone hasn't contacted you a month after your date, then the relationship is over. And if they do contact you after that point, it's because they're zombieing, breadcrumbing, or cushioning you — one of those dating trends that just indicates they're bad news.

If someone wants to date you in a serious way, then they will contact you, make plans with you, and see you IRL. They wont ignore you. That's what people do to people they don't like. So don't justify their actions (or lack thereof) or make excuses if someone isn't hitting you up. They aren't that busy, especially if they are active on social media in the meantime. If someone hasn't contacted you in a month since your date, then sorry, but they are not your boo. You've been ghosted.

When it comes to ghosting, remember, you would never want to date a ghoster anyway. If someone doesn't respect your time or give you the attention you deserve, then they're not deserving of you. Don't give someone too much thought if you're just an afterthought to them.

Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.

Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this!