Why You Need To Stop Holding Out For Your 'Almost' Relationship
We've all been in these “almost” relationships. It seems like one day, you have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Then, the next day, it's like you two are total strangers. But then, everything gets fine. It's just an ongoing cycle.
These “almost” relationships don't discriminate when it comes to gender. Everyone has experienced one at some point in his or her life. The issue with these types of “relationships” – and I put relationships in quotes – is at the end of the day, we tend to ignore the signs. We ignore the little things the other person is saying, or the days when he or she just goes completely missing.
We ignore the signs because we are so focused on getting past them. We are so hopeful in our pursuit of an actual relationship, we fall right into the trap of “What's the rush?”
We think to ourselves, "I'm not rushing. I'm the picture of patience." Patience is good and a virtue and all that, but when it comes to a crush, there's going to be a point when that patience runs out.
When I realized my “almost relationship” had turned into a “never-going-to-happen-ship,” I wanted to ignore it. I'd told this person time and time again how I felt. Those feelings seemed to be reciprocated, but I was too blind to see that what I was being told didn't match up to how I felt.
We were on two different pages. While I was ready to go on to the next chapter, my partner was not. I didn't want to dive into my emotions and lay them all out on the table any more than I already had, just to hear the same responses of “eventually,” or “I like where things are now.”
That's a funny little phrase, isn't it? “I like where things are now.” These “things” we're talking about are feelings, futures and really crazy emotions. They change and grow every single day. So, if someone is telling you he or she just “likes where things are now,” remember it's how things are always going to be.
This person has taken your feelings and turned them into things. He or she has decided your emotions and feelings are just fine where they are, and they can just stay wherever it is your partner has put them. Don't let someone else make your emotions feel like “things.”
You can't be afraid to want something more and move away from the “now.” I just kept telling myself my partner was right, and that I can't rush it. But, you can't help how you feel. You can't change the future you hope to have just because someone else doesn't want to be a part of it.
We think we can push aside our desires. We can, but only for a short period of time. Eventually, you're going to want more. That's just how life works.
This isn't just true in relationships. Think about your job, for instance. You don't want to stay in one role for the rest of your life. You wouldn't stay with a company if your boss told you, “Hey, listen: You've been with us for a few years. But, we like where things are now, so you'll just stay where you are.”
You'd be like, "Bye, job. Time for a new opportunity." But, we stay with these people because we just hope that one day, they'll be ready for the next chapter.
We don't tend to do this for any other aspects of our lives. We wouldn't stay somewhere if we knew it wasn't ever going to go anywhere. So, why do we let these people stay in our lives? Why do we think it's OK to let someone else decide what we want, or what our futures should look like?
Everyone wants to love and be loved; that's a fact of life. When we even slightly think we've found love, we want to hold on to it forever. It's taken us so long to find even a little bit of it. But when you start to give out more love than you're getting, it becomes toxic.
We have to stop being afraid of losing people who aren't afraid to lose us. You'll know.
It's not something you'll see right away or something you'll even accept right away. You'll read lists and ask friends. You'll get all this incredible advice from people who actually want the best for you. You'll ignore it all.
But one day, all the other parts of your life will start moving forward. When that one person is the only thing that's not, you'll realize he or she isn't real. You weren't in a real relationship, but you learned a real lesson.