He’s Just Not That Into You: Get Past His B.S


"Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." Sounds a lot like dating, or what we call dating nowadays. For too long meeting guys has been seen as a game, a confusing social chess board of right or wrong moves that dictates winners and losers.

Unfortunately, that will probably never change. But it is time we mastered the rules. Better yet, we declare war on it. If a guy, or girl for that matter, is interested or disinterested he or she needs to be honest from the start.

We are too concerned with being nice. Don’t worry about hurting feelings; wounds eventually heal. If you are not interested, just be honest goddamnit!

The pain inflicted is momentary and most people will learn from the experience anyway. To be left hanging and unaware of what exactly happened after a miscommunication spurs a much longer period of 'getting over it' than if everything were put on the table from the start.

Not being honest to ourselves about what we want from a relationship is not only bad for us, but for those with whom we come into contact. So if you want more than a fleeting casual thing, be honest with yourself.

Do not settle for Mr. Wrong who doesn’t bother to ask you out or who only wants to hang out at 2 am. Because he just isn’t that into you, and that will not change. When you drop him, and embrace your truths, you will find what you’re looking for.

So firstly when your heart, mind, feelings, etc. are involved, take no prisoners. No one deserves to be played with. You should be played for!

No matter how strong and independent women become there is a basic and almost primitive ideal that is the foundation for ‘dating’ (I use the term loosely). And that foundation is that men should chase you. It's their natural instinct to hunt.

These days, hunting consists of 'likes' on your Facebook page, superficial conversations and not asking for your phone number? Wildly underwhelming and unimpressive, don’t you think?

It is pure laziness that negates hundreds of years of evolution. Now that is not to say that you can’t make the first move, but don’t make every move.

If he wants to talk to you and he really likes you he will move mountains to do so. If he has your number he will text or call. If he sees you are online, then he’ll message you. Better yet, if he sees you at the bar he will make a point to have a conversation. Unless he’s an astronaut on the moon and has no access to a phone or a computer, he will find a way to get to know you. No exceptions.

Secondly, if you are interested and he’s oblivious – a very real possibility – take a strike yourself, cavewoman. Ask him out to coffee or do him the honor of giving him your phone number and see if he’s clever enough to use it. That is the extent of it. If he does not try to get you as much as you want to get him, that tips the scale of interest in his favor. You lose the game. You lose him. On to the next one.

But sometimes that is hard to do. I have been through it more often than I would like to admit. Thus I consider myself a knowledgeable authority on the subject. However in this year of 2013, I vow to turn over a new leaf! But before I do, that doesn’t mean I can’t impart some of my wisdom onto all of you.

Remember your time is precious – If he doesn’t try to get to know you as a person, drop him like a bad habit. If you try to get in touch with him more than he tries to get in touch with you – he’s just not that into you. Move on. If he comes out of the woodwork after an extended period of time, unprovoked: i.e. you have not run into each other, he is either bored or merely curious. Most likely there was no epiphany that he made a grave mistake, letting you slip through his fingers. Keep your head high and your standards higher. Someone worthy will meet them.

And lastly my favorite: If he doesn’t give you answers, i.e. He likes you/ He likes you not etc., run for the hills. He obviously has issues communicating and Mr. Gray-area is a waste of time. You deserve honesty, not more questions.

Arianna Wright | Elite.