He's Hot But He's A D*ck: Why Women Want The Bad Boy Over The Nice Guy


Why are you attracted to assh*les? Why would you ever want to date a douchebag? What is it about the bad boys?

I sat across a nice guy while having drinks and a good debate about girls and boys when he exasperatedly said, “You guys say you want nice guys. But you end up going after the bad ones.”

I raised my eyebrows and nodded my head. There was no way I could deny or argue against it. I don’t think any girl has gone through life without either thinking or saying aloud at least once that she wants a good guy.

I think it’s safe to assume every girl has gone after the bad boy at least once, twice, or maybe even a million times. It’s hard not to do so. People may ask, “What’s so hard about it?” Well, allow me to explain.

Guys usually like girls with confidence, right? It’s the same for women. Confidence is attractive and for some reason, borderline cockiness can have us swooning, too.

Picture the guy who has many friends and is sometimes the leader of the pack. The guy has confidence in his game and knows how to carry himself.

But, at the root of it all, the main reason why these bad boys are so confident is because most of the time, they are absolutely good looking. That’s why they are confident. It’s sort of a vicious cycle: Good looks translate into confidence.

So, can you blame us for crushing over the hot guy who reminds us of Channing Tatum or Ryan Gosling?

And, even if they aren’t Ryan-Gosling-level hot, then most likely, they make up for it with their athletic abilities. Girls like baseball butts, helmet hair and sweaty shirts.

So, if they are among the star players on the team, then they somehow have an advantage of becoming star players in our game of dating.

Same with musicians. We can get a little star struck and talent is attractive, as well.

Girls also might get a little kick out of saying they were able to score the starting quarterback, the baseball team pitcher or the lead guitarist in the band. These are humble brags, of course.

Smart bad boys get us, too, like the guy who can pull a high GPA, be president of his fraternity and debate whether or not he wants to go to law school right after graduation.

They usually have a strong interest and opinion in politics, and can talk about current events about which we barely know a thing.

They are good looking, smart and successful. And, they know it won't change anytime soon.

So, for some reason we hope to be on their list, just like their potential law schools. Decisions, decisions.

Those are the types of bad boys to whom we are attracted, but the question is, why do we want to date them? Why would we want to have relationships with these guys?

For some, it may come down to the principal of wanting something you can’t have or know you shouldn’t have.

Aladdin wasn’t supposed to touch the magic lamp, and Simba wasn’t supposed to go off his land. But, temptation can be irresistible.

Yes, bad boys tend to be attractive and confident, which are qualities we like. But, there is more to it than that.

When we know we are dealing with a bad boy, especially if he admits to being part of that category, we accept this odd challenge within ourselves. We want to be the girl to win him over.

The bad boy is usually complex and challenging because he is probably used to getting just about everything he wants, especially when it comes to girls.

So, we desire to be that girl that’s “different.” The one who will enchant him and make him fall in love this time.

We want to conquer him. We don’t want to be one of the many girls with whom he has been there and done that. We want to be “it." We want to be the girl who finally tied him down.

We fantasize that maybe, just maybe, we are his exception because we are special enough to capture the heart of the bad boy.

It’s almost a competition of some sort. Boys, you know all about competition and how much you like it. You should understand.

So, excuse us when we slip and get wrapped up in our pursuits of the bad boy. More often than not, it most likely will not work out.

Every once in awhile, maybe the girl will find the good guy in between chasing bad boys, when they aren’t preoccupied with the bad girls. Because they exist, too. We aren’t all innocent.