Happily Never After: 17 Disney Villains Who Are Just Like Your Exes
Villains are usually not strangers and a villain’s attacks are rarely ever random.
They are tailored and targeted to those they used to know.
In the real world, there are far more villains than princes and princesses and these villains often manifest in the form of those about whom you used to care most: your exes.
Discover below how each of the listed Disney villains is actually one of your exes:
He or she was a stage-five clinger, AKA your own, personal magic-carpet ride to hell. Hopefully you never had an ex like this.
If you try to end things, he or she will hypnotize you with cunning words and then hold your ass hostage with guilt.
These emotional shackles were harder to break than the ones with which Jasmine was being held captive. Every time you tried to sever ties, he or she reminded you of all the good times you two shared and why you should stay.
He or she promised that you two could rule the world together and that things would get better, but they never did.
You wound up staying much longer than you should have in the relationship, and gave way too many chances without any sign of change.
Eventually, you cut the cord and left this person, hoping for a magic lamp to wish for your return. You, however, went off to take on a whole new world on your own.
Ahh, the secret rival. He or she saw you as competition, not a partner in crime, while you dated. This dingle-hopper stealthily strived to use and overshadow you while pretending to uplift you.
Your ex-sea-witch or warlock was a professional at making you feel like a poor, unfortunate soul even though you were, and are, actually a sexy mermaid or merman.
This person was also very sexually selfish, leaving you wanting someone to agree that it's better down where it's wetter. Love is blinding, so it may have taken some time to see this person’s true self.
However, when you finally saw through the façade, you gained back your freedom, voice and single sea legs.
This is the one who got away... with being fake as f*ck. This ex never actually had any feelings for you; he or she just used you then dropped your fine Mufasa ass off a ledge.
This person is the honey badger of exes; he or she used your feelings as a urinal and didn’t give one f*ck about it.
For example, he or she might have pretended to like you, but actually just used you as a pawn to screw your sibling.
You ended this relationship’s circle of life and told that ex, "Hakuna matata, b*tch."
This ex was pretty much the same train wreck as Scar, but less successful.
You saw the signs and figured out this psycho’s plan before he or she got away with anything. Love is an open door; in this case you not only nailed, but cemented that door shut.
This is the workaholic, AKA the Ebenezer Scrooge of relationships. Terk and Tantor did not approve of this person. You weren't a top priority for this type of ex — money was, and still is.
Time is money, so he or she barely spent any being with you.
The Evil Queen (from Snow White)
This is the green-eyed monster, or the extremely jealous/controlling one. When this ex was with you, he or she constantly checked your phone and social media sites.
In this relationship she or he HAD to be the fairest of them all, or make no mistake, this ex would straight-up cut a b*tch.
You had to check in at all times, and possibly even send photos as evidence to show that you were where you said you were.
He or she was the apple of your eye, until you noticed that apple was poisonous.
You whistled while you worked on this relationship, but finally, you grew tired of the mistrust and jealous mannerisms and said, "heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it’s off to the f*ck-it bucket you go."
He or she is the hothead. This ex went from hero to zero, really quickly. Things started off fiery and passionate, then, he or she threw fits over the smallest issues and just couldn’t stay cool about anything.
This ex became too explosive and probably embarrassed you a few times in public. This person might have even punched holes into walls and purposely shook you up.
Enough was enough; this ex just couldn’t go the distance, and you finally stopped dancing with the devil.
This ex always made you feel inferior and less mature than he or she was. He or she may have attempted to throw out your video games or shred your secret sticker book faster than you can say Neverland.
This ex’s heart was as cold as the hook that he or she used to try and scoop out your innocence.
Anything silly made him or her gag. Additionally, this ex’s constant frowning upon your child-like nature and activities made you question your personality and interests — not cool.
This person would roll his or her eyes when you would watch old-school cartoons, like "Rugrats," on Netflix. That was the final straw; nobody puts baby in the corner, especially when that baby is Tommy Pickles, who is a freakin’ badass.
Sadly, all the pixie dust in the world couldn't salvage this relationship, and you were forced to make Captain Hook walk the plank.
This one is the child who's the opposite of a Captain Hook — as in, extremely immature. This ex might be a serious mama’s boy or daddy’s girl.
He or she obsessively cared about his or her rank on Halo or spent too much time with childish friends. This ex couldn't fulfill your needs, so you moved on to find a friend in Buzz and Woody.
This ex was so controlling and commanding. He or she might have even had OCD, as he or she incessantly instructed you to clean.
Nothing was ever good enough for this person. If only you could have bibbidi-bobbidi-boo’d this ex into a less nit-picky lover, things may have worked, but slowly, this person became more of a drill sergeant than a beau.
Finally you worked up the cajones to exit the relationship saying, “scrub the windows, wash the floors” and suck my d*ck.
Cruella de Vil
Ultimatum, ahoy, it’s either me or your wretched pet.
This is the one who made you choose. This type of ex might have also tried to convince you to cut certain people from your life.
This ex doesn't have any real allergies, but acted highly allergic to the sound of your dog’s bark, the smell of your home and the pet hair that stuck to his or her clothes.
Dalmatians can’t change their spots and neither could this person, which led to 101 arguments, and you frequently sleeping in the doghouse.
He or she didn't have the sensitivity to see an animal as part of the family, so you couldn't muster the sensitivity to make him or her a part of yours.
This is the “I don’t do children” partner. He or she made you realize that some people are better off meeting once upon a dream, and not in reality.
He or she was really rude about not liking children, previously noting that you have a few of your own. This ex hesitantly held your little baby as if it was a repulsive alien.
Watching this person repeatedly interact so coldly with your kids made you want to shove spindles into your eyes. Instead, you showed him or her to the door.
Like Gaston, this ex may have been super messy. You didn’t want to repeatedly pick up someone else’s mess for tale as old as time.
His rock-hard abs or her flexible physique just weren’t worth the drawn-out disputes any longer. You kicked this beast to the curb and went on to find something that wasn’t there before with someone else.
This is the cheater/liar. Your love for this person went from being as steady as the beating drum to flat-lining. This ex always tried to flip the script when a problem was actually his or her fault.
Ratcliff blamed John Smith for “step[ping] right into” his bullet, even though he, himself, was to blame for shooting him.
Similarly, this type of ex claimed that checking out Pocahontas’ rack wasn't his fault because she stepped right into his vision.
In turn, this ex was that turd in the toilet-bowl who always tried to smell like a rose, but ultimately, couldn't. You eventually smelled a Rat(cliff) and sent this ex sailing with the colors of the wind.
This is the scary-looking one who your friends still tease you about dating. This ex’s ugly intentions shined right through his or her skin. You realized that this person threw off your emperor’s groove and kept it moving.
This one is the gym rat. He or she could make a man out of anyone, but wasn’t the man or woman for you.
This ex was a serious protein-shake junkie who would never leave the gym, not even if it caught on fire. You went on to find a partner worth fighting for.
He or she is the obsessed one who won’t let go. Needless to say, this is the scariest type of ex. This ex thought that if he or she couldn't have you, no one else should.
Frollo tried to burn Esmeralda at the stake for rejecting him, which is not a far cry from what an obsessed person might actually do in real life. This gargoyle made your life topsy-turvy until you sought sanctuary in being a singleton.
A dream is a wish your heart makes, but all of these exes turned out to be nightmares.
As you reflect on failed relationships, don’t feel badly about your mistakes; just remember that every relationship is a learning experience.
Everyone makes errors in judgment, and even the devil was once an angel — just like an ex was once the flex behind your smile.
It’s a sad reality that love notes can quickly become targets on your back. However, despite your lack of a fairy godmother or trusty sidekicks to help you, you have karma on your side and that relentless b*tch comes for everyone, including your ex.
Keep searching for that special love that extends to infinity and beyond.