So you have been hooking up with a guy for a while now, and it's time for "the talk."
You want to know if this is going somewhere or if it's time to move on. So you prep with about 89 of your closest friends, and you finally muster up the courage to bring it up to him.
You talk for a while, you hook up again and you come home feeling OK. That is, until your friends ask you how "the talk" went, only for you to realize, "OMG, nothing changed."
Yep, let me tell you what happened.
When you guys talked, all he did was give you a good excuse — one good enough to keep you around without actually changing anything.
Don't believe me that this is an actual thing that happens?
Read along as 12 brave men admit to the excuses they make when they actually don't want to be with a girl:
This guy was kind enough to share all FIVE of his old faithfuls.
The whole concept of making up excuses not to date a girl is crass and, frankly, unfair. Your best bet (in my experience) is to be honest, direct and forthright. Some reasons I have used in the past: 1. Frankly, I'm just never going to convert to Judaism. (Twice.) 2. Relationships are built on trust, but trust me, I'd cheat on you if we dated. (Three times. When you're on a roll, it can be hard to get off.) 3. My mama don't like you, and she likes everyone. (Once. I was missing home.) 4. I'm sorry, but you're still in my phone as 'girl from Landsdowne,' and it's gonna be awkward introducing you to... well, anyone. (Yikes. Eleven times. Weirdly run train in Landsdowne.) 5. It's not you; it's me! Mario! (Five times. No comment.)
— Benjamin*, 24
This guy also has five trusty excuses. But, um, can we talk about number three... WTF?
Ah, a classic question. Well, I hate to give away my tactics, but I suppose it's high time to come clean. Anyway, here are a few of my typical excuses: 1. 'The distance is too much.' I mean, come on, we can hook up when we're both in the same city, but now just isn't the time for a long-distance thing. I mean, maybe if we were both in the same place, dating could be possible (highly unlikely), but being apart, it's a different story. 2. 'I like the spontaneity.' Come onnn, it keeps thing fresh when it's just an occasional hookup! 3.'The sex is better.' Relationships can be so monotonous. Why not stay in the hookup phase when you each feel like you still have to impress one another? Better than boring sex where neither side is really trying... 4. 'I'm busy with work!' Ah, old faithful. Works like a charm, too. Everyone acknowledges work as a time sucker. The 'no time for dates' and 'wouldn't be able to really develop a connection' combo are lethal. However, it all revolves back to 'I'm really, really lazy.' 5. This one doesn't always go over well, but the 'eh, I'd rather spend time with my guy friends,' is always a good one to roll out there. And there you have it. Jim's guide to never, ever entering into a relationship. May the force be with you.
— Jim, 24
Honestly, this one does seem pretty foolproof.
'I really care about you, but the girl I thought I was going to marry dumped me right before I met you, so I'm not ready for anything more. Just give me time.'
— Clifton, 25
This guy thought he had it all figured out until a couple of close calls.
Ha, oh, boy. I swear, for about 18 months after school, I told a girl that I 'traveled for work' and didn't want to get into anything serious because I could be gone for weeks at a time. There were two panic moments where I noticed her thinking she noticed me at the same time I had noticed her. Once in the checkout line at Marshalls, and another time sitting in the balcony section at a Louis C.K. show. I guess this girl and the girl I took to the show both have similar senses of humor. Go figure.
— Kieran, 26
This guy is anti-excuses.
She would know my intentions from the beginning. I've always made this clear when I was in this phase. Why would I want to go through the trouble later on? Therefore, no excuses. It's easier being transparent.
— Darth*, 24
Instead of the standard long list of excuses, this guy has a smaller list of just three.
'I'm going to be moving to Chicago in the next year or so. I don't want to get serious because I don't want to be in a long-distance relationship.' 'I just don't have time for a serious relationship right now.' 'We are just very different people, but I like our chemistry.'
— Michael*, 23
Again, this guy has a list of five handy excuses.
'I just want to keep things simple.' 'I'm not ready for something serious.' 'I'm afraid to hurt you.' 'It's complicated.' 'I like things the way they are.'
— Treez, 24
This guy isn't about the excuses either.
Seems weird labeling this as an excuse. I think the only morally unambiguous way of going about this is to be upfront and make it clear you aren't expecting a serious commitment or relationship to occur, but you still enjoy their company. Just be upfront about your intentions. No need to call it an excuse.
— Mork*, 25
This guy goes for the classic "I'm so busy" excuse.
I tell them I am super busy with work.
— Arnold*, 30
Simple. To the point. Effective.
I AM NOT READY FOR ANYTHING SERIOUS.
— Shaylin*, 32
He MIGHT go to hell for this one, but this will definitely get him out of a relationship, right?
I told her that my mom died and that I need space. Then, I ask her out really late at night.
— Greg, 25
I'm not gonna lie. I've used this one.
'I am still getting over my last relationship and just need time.'
— Drew, 24
OK, here's the deal, ladies. If a guy wants to be with you, he will. It's that simple.
So stop letting them get away with these stupid excuses.
*Names have been changed.