I am a queer single male in NYC. You would think dating would be easy because there are thousands of queer guys all around me.
Well, if you think that, you are WRONG.
We live in a technology-driven world now, which is often amazing. Technology has also taken over the dating scene. There are dating apps such as Tinder, Surge, OkCupid and so many more.
Yet, apps such as Grindr, Scruff and Hornet are wildly more used.
I use Tinder, and I would say I've actually met up with only about two people from there. On the other hand, I couldn't even count the people I've met off Grindr.
The difference is (well, supposed to be), Tinder is meant for dating and getting to know someone. Whereas Grindr is meant for getting to know someone for an hour or so (depending on your availability).
I'm just going to go ahead and say it: Grindr has RUINED dating.
Here are three reasons why:
1. Why date one person when there are hundreds around you who want to have sex?
If you think about this, we can all somewhat rationalize this thinking. When you're dating one person and only having sex with that one person, things can get old or stale.
When you log on to Grindr, you have minimum of 50 horny thumbnails waiting to literally do just about anything you could think of.
You could have a threesome or an orgy, and you could experience spanking, cosplay or even a blow-n-go.
Honestly, the options are limitless. Doesn't that sound more interesting than having sex with the same person twice a week?
I knew by the end of this first reason, you'd already be rethinking your relationship. And that's the problem.
2. The way we speak to each other has changed.
On Grindr, you can have an entire conversation simply by using only two words at once.
Sup? Looking? Into? You host? Send location?
BAM, there you go. Then, you're on your way to a good time.
Well, in person, you have to actually use a little more effort. Hell, you might actually have to ask me personal questions.
Scary, huh? No, that's what normal life is like. You're just a lazy bastard who doesn't want to put in the effort.
Also, on Grindr, sending a dick pic or an ass pic has become pretty norm. When dating me, I absolutely do not want to see a pic of any part of your body within the first few messages.
A cute pic of you with a mullet in elementary school is much better.
3. It's all about time.
I think this is the most important thing.
When it comes to dating, it takes time, which is something most of us do not have a lot of. You have to take the time to get to know someone, set up a date when you're both free and then actually go on the date.
When using Grindr, you're both on at the same time, which generally means you're both available now and then.
I understand these three reasons make Grindr sound much more glamorous than dating.
Sex is great. Trust me, I know that, but don't you want more? Don't you want someone to be there for you at the end of the night? Someone to talk to about real things and not just sex?
These are all things I want, and they're things I would assume most people want.
But, most gay guys are really all about convenience. Oh, and sex, too.
So, why not just use Grindr where you can intermix convenience and sex? Where you can sit at home, eat Chinese food, watch "The Golden Girls" and set up a hookup at the same time?
So, I'll say it again. Grindr has ruined dating, and you either have to embrace it or decide to be different.