How I Got Out Of Being Ghosted By My Ex
I hate complaining about what Millennials are ruining, mostly because it's nonsense.
I'm sure at the turn of the century, older people were also worried about all this new technology and kids today. But for them, it was just the kinetoscope and the phasing out of the dance card.
But as a Millennial, I can say we really messed one thing up: We invented ghosting.
Well, that might be harsh. I'm sure ghosting has always existed on some level. The image of a sad girl waiting for a telegram that never comes and assuming the sender died of dysentery on his way to the Gold Rush seems entirely plausible.
So no, we didn't invent it, but we sure-as-hell popularized it. The best part of ghosting is how many platforms you can be ignored on. Frankly, I don't care if you are Instagram-famous. If you had your tongue in my mouth, I deserve the follow-back.
Ghosting is the worst, not just because it's a rejection, but because it's a rejection that denies the rejected party any form of closure.
You sit around thinking he probably just isn't interested, but it could actually be so many other things.
He could have fallen into the old quarry. He could have started using heroin. He could have gotten amnesia because of the back-stabbing nun that was trying to steal his rich, long-lost father's land. You can never truly never know.
At the same time, ghosting makes sense. Who actively wants to tell someone it's over? Psychopaths, probably (unless the relationship needs to be over).
Sometimes, it's easier just to ignore it until it goes away. But this isn't an "it." This is a person. And what you are doing is pretty fucked up.
Recently, I was ghosted.
The guy who ghosted me was cute and funny, and I thought we had a fun time. We texted back and forth a little. Then, he said he would text me after the weekend and never did.
See, most people would just think, "OK. You low-key suck, but OK." But Friday came around with no text back. In this moment, I realized I did not want to be ghosted. And I ain't afraid of no ghost.
So I texted him, not to be thirsty and not to try to convince him that I am a goddess (which I am), whom he's lucky to have the opportunity to text. No, I respected the fact he didn't want to see me again. I just didn't respect his method.
So I texted him that I was taking the hint, that I wanted to still be friendly and wished him the best.
He thanked me in response and said he would like that.
That's it. That was the end. That was the closure.
If I do see him again, it won't be awkward. In that moment, I felt like a pretty kick-ass and in-control woman, which got me thinking: Wouldn't it always be better to be direct?
We all say, "I don't want to play games." But then, I don't text someone because they have to text me first since I texted them first last time.
Or I'll text someone about something irrelevant just so we can start a conversation, instead of me asking when I can see them next. I'm simply not as direct as I should be.
I play games. We all play games.
The minute I realized this, I decided I was going to be direct. I'm the fucking captain of team direct. If I want to see you, you will know. If I don't, you will also know.
I know it's scary, and it requires a little bit of thick skin, but what do you really have to lose? Is honesty that bad of a policy?
As women, we are taught to wait for the first date, wait for the phone call and wait for the ring. We're told we should let him be dominant. If you come on too strong, then you are bitch and you'll scare him away.
But bitches get things done. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't want you to be strong and confident? If you scare them away, then they scare a little too easily.
One thing is for sure. I am never going to let myself be ghosted or played with again.
And trust me, if I don't want to see you, I will certainly not be ghosting you.