Want to know the secret to having mind-blowing, uninhibited, freaky AF sex? It's safety. Does that sound boring? It isn't. In fact, it's the hottest thing ever, because safety means freedom. Freedom to explore, to play, to unleash your desires — because it's only when you're free to let everything go and just get lost in the moment that you have the most incredible sex. Now, what do I mean by safety? First, taking steps to protect your health and prevent unwanted pregnancy so you can just relax. And second, establishing safe words for sex. Once you have those two things figured out and squared away, you are free to play any way you like best.
The reason it’s important to establish a safe word, even if your preferred sexual style is strictly vanilla, is that it sets an automatic boundary. As sexologist and relationship expert Lisa Hochberger told Elite Daily, "Consent exists on a continuum — it is a fluid concept and can be taken away at any time." Hochberger expanded on this, saying, “Safe words are an important boundary for sexual play because it provides a clear way for a person to communicate with their partner(s) that they are uncomfortable with whatever sexual behavior is currently taking place. Having a clear way to communicate 'no' is important to sexual health and safety."
OK, so obviously you want a safe word, but what makes for a good one? And how should you pick it? To answer that question I turned to Reddit, and here are the... well... creative safe words they use.
Some People Use Universally Understood Safe Words.
- “I use red, yellow, and green like traffic lights.”
- “No or stop, unless it’s some sort of roleplay sitch.”
- “Safe. Easy enough. I'm a fan of single syllables.”
Some Have Non-Verbal Safe “Words.”
- “Snapping fingers quickly, because sometimes the mouth isn't available at the time of need.”
- “Tune-humming. Something short and distinct. Can't speak a safe word while well-gagged, and snapping and clapping is right out when you're straitjacketed. ;)”
Food Is A Popular Safe Word Inspiration.
- “My SO's is potato because my pet name for her is sweet potato. I told her to pinch me if her mouth is unavailable.”
- “Bananas. Because you know to stop when that sh*t is bananas. B-a-n-a-n-a-s.”
- “I like using mayonnaise because nothing kills the mood faster than someone yelling mayonnaise.”
- “Nachos BellGrande.”
- “I've used cacao on more than one occasion.”
Random Safe Words Are Good, Too.
- “I didn't think of one beforehand, so I just blurted out the first word that came to mind: Umbrella. So now it's umbrella.”
- “Aardvark. You can say it with a gag in your mouth.”
- “Soccer mom.”
- “My safeword is Teletubby because it has the additional benefit of killing the mood.”
- “Sea cucumber.”
- “Binoculars. I don't have any particular reason why.”
- “I don’t have any real reason but mine is Jersey.”
Now that you're inspired, it's time to pick one of your own. Listen, just because having a safe word is serious business doesn't mean it has to be a serious word itself. So, have some fun! Pick something that's easy to remember and to say, because knowing you can stop at any time is what gives you the freedom to have the best time possible in the bedroom. Cacao! (The End.)
Lisa Hochberger, sexologist and relationship expert